A Wonkette Change ... Is Gonna Come

BE NOT AFRAID. I WALK BEFORE YOU ALWAYS.

Hahahahaha hello. I have scared you. Mommy and Daddy aren't divorcing. Nobody's quitting. Nobody's going to emergency, nobody's going to jail. Nobody is going anywhere, except Wonkette to a different platform, in a weekish or so. Do we need your help? When don't we!

In I guess a week or so unless we decide AIYEE TOO SOON, Wonkette is moving to Substack.

A) We're down about a hundred thousand dollars in donations year-over-year, and them hosting us for FREEEEE (same url, wonkette.com, I'm no dummy except sometimes when I am a dummy) will save me $42,000 A YEAR.

B) Since Facebook started to throttle us like a damn decade ago, our readership's been pretty stagnant, and we're hoping being part of Substack will give us a bump. Why? No idea, I just decided it might. Might we LOSE money by forking over 10 percent to the newsletter people? Well I hope not!

C) Wonkette will always always always be free, but Substack's annoying reminders everywhere might jolt more of you into FORKING IT OVER (if you are able), since the same 4000 of you give us money whether we have 400,000 readers, 900,000 readers, or 644,000 readers, like we did last month, for a donation rate of .6 percent. Jeez, you guys.

So let's do a FAQ to the best of our ???

A FAQ to the best of our ???

UPDATE! I forgot to ask me for you if everything will be the same, so!

 Rebecca, how do we get there? Where do we go? What do we do? How do we do it? 

Everything will be MOSTLY the same. You will still come to Wonkette.com! You will still click on the stories! All that will change will be it will put a rude little button in front of your face saying "do you want to subscribe?" In order to comment, you will say YES I SURELY DO! And while you're subscribing you can choose to give us money or not give us money, as you see fit, it will always be free.

Now on to our previously scheduled freakout!

 Rebecca, how do I keep giving you money? 

Already giving us money? Don't do a thing! We will keep charging you forever until you tell us not to do that anymore! Really, DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING! NO CHANGEZ! 

 Rebecca, will I have to sign up again to comment? 

Yes! It will not be Disqus, and for now there will be no images in the comments, I am : ( HOWEVER! We have discovered we can have pictures in the comments in our "chat." On posts like ZIggy's movie night and Robyn's Caturday Top 10, we will be sure to add a button that will take you right to the "chat."

Importantly, you will not need to donate to comment, you will just need to sign up for a free subscription. But if you're not already, you COULD take the opportunity to sign up for a donation while you do that! If you are already donating, just stay with the free subscription when you sign up! Because while we've got jazzy options here for amounts between $2 and $13,000 a month, the "tiers" at Substack are only going to be like "$8 or $10/mo" or "you pick a price that's more than that but it hits your credit card like a ton of bricks once annually." And since a lot of you are giving me $20 or $100 or one dude who does a monthly whatever-a-500-dollar-bill-is-called, I do not want you to reduce that amount, please, unless you actually are at a point where you ran out of money and you have to. In which case thank you for reducing your donation! We love you! : D

 What if I want to give you a hundred dollars? Or five? 

We are still going to have a donation widget for those times you just want to give us a one-time donation and don't want it to be limited to just $8 every month. I keep offering to kick 10 percent of the one-time donations to Substack too, because otherwise I would feel like I was pulling one over on them, but I THINK they keep waving me off, we'll see how they feel once you sEnD mE THoUsANd dOlLaRs. Or five.

 How many newsletters are you going to be sending us every day if we sign up for the newsletters? 

This is a thing I don't know. The Bulwark sends me like 14? (Feels like 14, is probably five.) And I click on several of them, depending on time of day/boredom. I think we might send three. Maybe tabs, maybe a LOL TOP STORY during the day, and maybe a roundup at the end like Shy has NOT been sending you lately. Who knows, not me! I am not the A/B tester of knowing how many emails to send! Regardless, sign up for the emails, and if you don't like getting them, you can fully unsubscribe.

 Is there still a Patreon if we like wee gifties and can we still send you checks in the mail? 

Holla! Yes, and Wonkette, PO Box 38273, Detroit MI 48238!

 Are you scared? Is the change frightening you? Is there stuff we can do to help? 

I am scared! The change is frightening me! Please send us money to keep this bitch afloat, only if you are able!