After Trump's Top-Secret GOP Convention Video Surfaces On Breitbart, A Stunned Nation Demands Romney Take Office

So hereis the "big surprise" that America missed because the first night of the 2012 Republican National Conventiongot hurricaned out. Of course, it ceased to be much of a "surprise" the second Trump announced he'd be doing something at the Convention ("Bet he's going to say 'you're fired' to an Obama look-alike," said everyone, rolling their eyes, especially Wonkette alumnus Alex Pareene ). Excerpts of the video aired on the "Today" show back in September, for that matter. But now, finally, Dead Breitbart's Internet Home For Imaginary Journalists brings us The Whole Thing, so everyone can see just how brilliant and game-changing it would have been. We have watched it, and can only say that this is, sadly, no lost masterpiece. For that matter, it is no  The Day The Clown Cried . Even so, let us look upon Trump's work, and dream of what might have been.

So here is the video, preserved by some damn birther outfit.

Breitbart horcrux and chaotic evil shitbag Matthew Boyle says that Trump's people put the production cost of the segment at $100,000, and it shows -- it's no mere $50K IRS Star Trek parody, that's for sure! The sketch is exactly as creative as you would expect from the Mind Of Donald Trump! Is there a joke about Obama spending all his time golfing? There is! Are there funny sound effects? You bet there are! There is a "BOING!" and there are "crickets!"

And then you will never in a million years guess how it ends! Can you guess? Can you? Trump uses his catchphrase! It's super-effective!

In addition to video, Boyle has a lot of arglebargle about how Trump believes the whole sad lost opportunity "highlights how some political operatives waste resources while being out of touch with voters." In other words, Mitt Romney threw away a beautiful yooge opportunity by not using the video, which America would have loved, because America fucking loves Donald Trump. But no, the Romney campaign was too afraid to use this brilliant weapon, too "politically correct," too close to that backstabbing Obama-hugger Chris Christie, who wasted valuable time at the convention giving a keynote speech that didn't mention Donald Trump or hardly even Mitt Romney, and then Chris Christie ALSO took advantage of a hurricane to cozy up to the Kenyan usurper right before the election, and what is the deal with hurricanes and Chris Christie always horning in on Donald Trump's action, huh? Chris Christie does not even have his own signature line of fragrances at Macy's, for chrissake, he smells like New Jersey.

So now we have seen the big "Mr. President, you're fired" video that surprised no one ever. It was probably better than an old man talking to a chair. But on reflection, it is simply not as poignant as Jerry Lewis leading children into a gas chamber, which is the movie we would still rather see. If Donald Trump really wants to improve his image, he should devote himself to getting The Day The Clown Cried released.

[ Big Government ]