You pretty much can't ignore a New York Times headline that says "Alabama: School May Arm Students With Canned Peas." And it's exactly what it sounds like: A middle school principal wants to stockpile cans of corn and peas in classrooms for students to hurl at possible intruders as a last defense.
What I love most about this story is that this woman wrote this idea down on a piece of paper . . . and then she sent it to ALL the parents. It's the Alabama version of Dr. Evil asking for one MILLION dollars!
The only thing that stops ... wait .... When cans are outlawed only ... um .... <i>(flips through &quot;jokes for wonkette stories about kids throwing cans&quot; index cards)</i> I&#039;m strong to the finish ... ? Gives dodge-ball new meaning ... ? Cans are hard, but math is harder?
You win the Internet today.
What I love most about this story is that this woman wrote this idea down on a piece of paper . . . and then she sent it to ALL the parents. It&#039;s the Alabama version of Dr. Evil asking for one MILLION dollars!
They should also teach them to chuck their little drink-boxes, and thus promote juice-toss.
&quot;Grab that can of pintos and bean him.&quot;
Hashtag #hash.
In Catholic schools, the nuns shout... &quot;Praise the Lord and pass the <i>fagioli.</i>&quot;
<i> libertarian wackaloon Megan McArdle</i>
I read that as <i>librarian</i>, which suggests another thing you could stockpile in the schools to throw at terrorists.
Kids from food-insecure homes: &quot;Seriously?&quot;
This is just cover to cut the budget in the cafeteria due to Michelle Obama&#039;s tyranny.
We used to keep those little milk cartons filled with mashed potatoes, mystery meat and other pureed lunch items. Isn&#039;t that even better?
The only thing that stops ... wait .... When cans are outlawed only ... um .... <i>(flips through &quot;jokes for wonkette stories about kids throwing cans&quot; index cards)</i> I&#039;m strong to the finish ... ? Gives dodge-ball new meaning ... ? Cans are hard, but math is harder?
They go well with human rice.
The only thing that can stop a Bad Guy with a canned food item is a Good Guy with a canned food item.
I&#039;ve hurled some creamed corn in my day, but it wasn&#039;t in the can.
<i>...would probably stop school shootings, though not as much as ... homeschooling your kids.&quot;</i>
I&#039;m not a scientist but I&#039;ll bet more kids are killed at home by guns than in schools.
Creamed corn- also good for <a href="https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch\?v=1DHHMuuluxA" target="_blank">spewing</a>