Alex Murdaugh Found Guilty, Duh.

It's not a huge surprise.

After three hours of deliberation, a South Carolina jury found Alex Murdaugh guilty on Thursday of having murdered his wife, Maggie Murdaugh, and son Paul Murdaugh in the kennels by the family's hunting estate in June of 2021.

The 54-year-old lawyer, pill-popper, embezzler and fourth-generation member of a highly influential South Carolina Lowcountry legal dynasty was found guilty on two counts of murder and two counts of possessing a weapon during the commission of a violent crime.

The police had no physical evidence tying Murdaugh to the crime — his shirt wasn't bloody, they never found the gun used in the murder, and an unknown man's DNA was found under Maggie Murdaugh's fingernails. Jurors, however, say the thing that sold them on his guilt beyond anything else is that he swore for 20 months that he was not anywhere near the kennels until he found the bodies and called the police, that he was taking care of his terminally ill father ... only to admit he was, in fact, there after video from Paul Murdaugh's cell phone from right before the murders in which his voice could be heard was presented to the court.

This all started out (mostly) back in February of 2019 when Paul Murdaugh, Alex Murdaugh's son, went to a party with a bunch of his friends, got extremely drunk, and then insisted on taking them all home in his family's yacht. It did not work out well and he ended up severely injuring several of his friends and killing 19-year-old Mallory Beach. Alex Murdaugh, being a big fancy lawyer from a long line of big fancy lawyers, went around trying to convince everyone that another kid in the group was the one manning the yacht and not his own kid, but no one was too interested in going along with his scheme.

The other survivors told police that Paul — or rather, his drunken alter-ego "Timmy" — was the one who was manning the yacht when it crashed, and had in fact insisted on taking it rather than relying on a sober person to drive them home. This was later backed up by video evidence that also included video of Paul/Timmy behaving abusively to a girl who had just broken up with him.

Eventually, Paul Murdaugh was put on trial. That's when all the other shit about other suspiciously dead people tied to the Murdaugh family started to come out. There was Stephen Smith, a young gay man who was "run over" (but suspected of being killed by Alex Murdaugh's other son, Buster), and the family housekeeper Gloria Satterfield, whose family never got the $4 million insurance payout they were due after her death. It was about to come out that Murdaugh had been stealing from clients, embezzling from his family's legal firm, and taking a up to 60 pills of oxycontin a day when Margie and Paul Murdaugh were killed.

Alex Murdaugh then tried to have his drug dealer kill him so that his son Buster Murdaugh could get a major insurance payout, which he later testified to on the stand.

Murdaugh maintained his innocence throughout the trial, professing to believe that his wife and son were killed as revenge for Mallory Beach's death, though it was never clear who was supposed to have done it.

Prior to the verdict, OJ Simpson shared his thoughts in a highly disturbing "See, it's funny because I also killed my wife" kind of way.

"Hey Twitter World, it's me, yours truly. Well a whole lot of people are asking me what I think about this Alex Murdaugh trial. I don't know why they think I'm an expert on it," Simpson said with a laugh. He said he thought Murdaugh was probably guilty but would not be found guilty.

“People keep asking me my opinion of the Alex Murdaugh trial.”

— O.J. Simpson (@O.J. Simpson) 1677783217 

Guess he was wrong about that one.

Murdaugh was sentenced this morning to life without parole.

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