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"All Rise! Worship of Anna Nicole Smith Is Now In Session!"
"God save that voluptuous hottie -- and this honorable Court, too!"
Would YOU turn down her petition for certiorari? Yeah, we didn't think so.
It's finally over. Anna Nicole Smith, stripper-turned-widow-turned-diet-product-spokeswoman, had her day in the U.S. Supreme Court.
Smith appeared before the justices dressed in a black, knee-length dress, accessorized with high heels, a white scarf, and black sunglasses -- as well as a chunky silver crucifix. While it's certainly an improvement over showing up to court in a pink T-shirt -- with the word "SPOILED" spelled out in rhinestones, across her ample and heaving bosom -- today's look may have come across as a little "trying-too-hard-not-to-look-like-a-gold-digging-ex-stripper-hussy."
Smith looked on -- occasionally in tears, when her late husband was discussed -- as her attorney, Kent Richland, vigorously advanced her position. Richland argued that the Texas state court that screwed Smith out of her dead husband's fortune shouldn't have the final word in the matter. Instead, federal courts -- including bankruptcy court, where Anna Nicole flirted up a storm with the judge (no joke) -- should have some say.
Although it was not a party to the case, the federal government cheerfully intervened on Smith's behalf, providing her with enthusiastic support for her position. Justice Department attorney Deanna Maynard argued that the appeals court ruling in favor of Pierce Marshall -- the late J. Howard Marshall's evil and greedy son -- was flawed and overbroad.
After the jump , an eyewitness account of Anna Nicole Smith's visit with the Supremes.
A reader who was in the area offered this report:
at lunch i was walking up there on a whim, expecting to see nothing more interesting than the usual nutjobs with tape over their mouths, and there was a mess of photographers, camera men, sound guys, talking heads, etc. there was a big black SUV on the side street, close to the intersection, and a security fence running from the side of the building to the street, with a cop at the end.
i foolishly thought maybe the justices were coming out. but anna came walking out, dressed in black with her lawyer at her side, no sunglasses, had to walk all the way from the side entrance down the sidewalk, up to us in the front, past the cop and around to the suv. photogs on the steps were yelling "Anna" to try to get her to look up their way, but she kept her face grimly straight ahead.
she looked surprisingly good. i briefly considered yelling "I Love You Anna," just because it seemed like somebody should, but i thought better of it. she passed within a couple yards of me (all the cameras wanted to be right on her or somewhere else, so despite the crowd it was easy to stand close). then she got in the SUV, which was absolutely swarmed until the cops cleared a path for her to get out.
after the SUV pulled away, the crews appeared to be filling the vacuum by interviewing anyone handy. i hope she wins.
So do we, reader, so do we! Here at Wonkette, we fully support rewarding vice and general wantonness.
For eyewitness reporting from within the courtroom, check out Paul the Duck's account . Here's an excerpt: "She?s coming straight toward me. Anna? Anna! Show me your tits! Anyone have beads? Oh, it doesn?t look pretty. Sister needs some moisturizer. And her hair, yikes! I thought it looked oily at first but its all kinds of brittle. She needs some of that hot oil Alberto VO5 leave in hair conditioner stuff."
It will take several weeks, if not several months, for the Court to issue its opinion. We're keeping our fingers crossed for Anna. Based on the justices' questions -- which can be decent indicators of their leanings (although not surefire ones, since they're often playing devil's advocate) -- it sounds like she a good shot of prevailing!
Paul the Duck Goes to SCOTUS [Paul the Duck]
Thousands March on Washington in Support of Anna Nicole Smith [The Borowitz Report]