P.S. I am sorry, TSF, I fired off prematurely. I do not know you, but you sound like a very perceptive person, and I love your talent for the "turn of phrase." Your road is a hard one, and I wish you the very best. I think Ms. Sara B. provided an amazing response here, which I don't feel able to really add much to, I am happy you are here in this tiny crew of Sara B. commenters and look forward to seeing you pop up here again.
OP - I could have asked this exact question. I went from going out and being active almost every day to pretty much being housebound overnight. One day I was over at my best friend’s place, which is one of the few places I can go because I can climb into her bed and watch movies or talk or whatever. If I need to nap, I’m already in bed. So a mutual acquaintance calls my friend one day and was on speaker phone when the lady referred to me as “that girl that does nothing but lay in bed all day and drain your energy”. Now I know my bestie does not think that at all, but it still hurt and made me feel like a burden and boring.
Sara - this is such a loving, empathetic response. Thank you for your compassion and tenderness.
To All Y’all - you are beautiful, vibrant, clever, loving people and I wake up each morning thankful I get to be part of such a lovely community of Mommyblogging, Recipe-sharing, Dick joke enthusiasts as yourselves!
That person on the phone is a jerk with no empathy. I feel I know you as well as they do at this point (meaning not at all), and I think you're wonderful.
It's such a lonely world. Most of my favorite people were folks that I only met once or twice, and now I don't even remember their names. (except Jimmy Joe the hippiebilly with the beat-up Toyota, he had a great name!)
But it helps to know that I did meet them and we got along on a very real level. Deep inside most people feel lonesome to some degree, and feeling lonesome and left-out is a very common feeling for a human to have.
Dear TSF, probably 80% of people will write you off, because THEY are too shallow, on multiple levels of measurement. You seem to be in the 20% group that considers and appreciates individuals.
[ Judy Woodruff at the memorial service for Rosalynn Carter:
"I last interviewed President and Mrs. Carter together in July, 2021. I asked them how they thought President Biden was doing early in his term. Mrs. Carter said simply, it's a great relief to have him in office."
[Amy Carter: (a moment of levity)
"Secretary Clinton and Dr. Biden, we also welcome your lovely husbands."]
I was just half-watching an old episode of 20/20 and it rolled into one of their periodic specials that they were doing on Covid. It was in early April 2020. Yikes. NYC was using refrigerated trucks as morgues; docs were trying to figure out whether masks helped you, or those around you, or both; scientists were furiously testing whether antibodies from people who already had it could help those who were currently in the throes of it; nobody could tell how the stimmy checks would go out and to whom; and PAB was suggesting that the country would be fully open by 4/30/20.
Dark times. The person I was involved with at the time was on the front lines of figuring out what to do and reported indirectly to Cuomo. I think the stress of it is what sent her around the bend into madness and self-destruction.
As someone who is now very isolated secondary to a disability I don't allow myself to form terribly close relationships with other far more independent human beings. It is my worst nightmare to be any semblance of a burden and when able bodied friends want to go out, go places and do things I can't keep up. I know that so I stay home and keep to myself.
It's a little annoying for Cat the Ripper and paul once in a while, but for the most part I'm not getting on anyone's nerves.
Well, I like you, and surely some of your irl friends are like me; not one to count up how many times a disabled person needs a hand or a moment's extra consideration. After all, I _married_ someone disabled from birth. Its no big deal because he's well worth being around.
Mrs Pixelz was in a wheelchair near the end. I would give up several of my body organs for a chance to again push, fold the chair, lock wheels while she holds on to me for transfer in and out of that chair. "In sickness and in health" turns out to be a real thing.
There are people in my small circle who spark my Muse. I try to let them know in (hopefully) non-creepy ways that I enjoy having them in (or near) my life. I get genuine pleasure from a HAHA/LOL reply. (I soak up Wonket ♥️s like a ♥️ addict in a ♥️ desert. <-- Muse at work)
What was my point? Oh yeah, all evidence to the contrary, I don't feel like a Shadow Friend.
Mercy, it's taken me half a century to stop projecting my needs onto other people and instead get to know who they really are. And I still do it, but at least I'm aware of it. I've also often thought that other people have more to offer in a friendship than I do, which has kept me from having a lot more close relationships. Not just because I didn't want to impose on others, but apparently I came off as aloof if we got closer, which sometimes left the other person hurt and wondering why I didn't like them. Not being part of the problem has been a big effort.
Hi SB,
What a sensitive and lovely response.
Cheers to you on Plow Day (that is a UK holiday). I am not sure what one does on Plow day, but if I find out I will let you know.
Cheers to you!
Maureen M.
P.S. I am sorry, TSF, I fired off prematurely. I do not know you, but you sound like a very perceptive person, and I love your talent for the "turn of phrase." Your road is a hard one, and I wish you the very best. I think Ms. Sara B. provided an amazing response here, which I don't feel able to really add much to, I am happy you are here in this tiny crew of Sara B. commenters and look forward to seeing you pop up here again.
Wishing you the very best,
Maureen Murphy
This is so nice, Sara. You are kind and thoughtful in your advice.
OP - I could have asked this exact question. I went from going out and being active almost every day to pretty much being housebound overnight. One day I was over at my best friend’s place, which is one of the few places I can go because I can climb into her bed and watch movies or talk or whatever. If I need to nap, I’m already in bed. So a mutual acquaintance calls my friend one day and was on speaker phone when the lady referred to me as “that girl that does nothing but lay in bed all day and drain your energy”. Now I know my bestie does not think that at all, but it still hurt and made me feel like a burden and boring.
Sara - this is such a loving, empathetic response. Thank you for your compassion and tenderness.
To All Y’all - you are beautiful, vibrant, clever, loving people and I wake up each morning thankful I get to be part of such a lovely community of Mommyblogging, Recipe-sharing, Dick joke enthusiasts as yourselves!
That person on the phone is a jerk with no empathy. I feel I know you as well as they do at this point (meaning not at all), and I think you're wonderful.
Thank you!
I am Sara's groupie, but she doesn't know it yet!
Oh, Damn!
We are a Mighty Tribe!
Thich Nhat Hanh is a good recommendation.
He's helped me understand some shit.
I love listening to his books on Audible to fall asleep. 😴
Thich Nhat Hanh, and his work, have taught me more about myself than I ever thought I'd know. No mud, no lotus. Really, no mud, no lotus.
Peace be upon him.
I haven't heard of this writer before but for the title alone, I'll have to search him out. (I mean on the library shelf not stalking.)
https://twitter.com/chelseahandler/status/1729683431943016777?t=VrfVCxVsD-3Tf3nZJcUt8A&s=19
Chelsea Handler preaches the gospel truth about Our Savior, Dolly Parton.
It's such a lonely world. Most of my favorite people were folks that I only met once or twice, and now I don't even remember their names. (except Jimmy Joe the hippiebilly with the beat-up Toyota, he had a great name!)
But it helps to know that I did meet them and we got along on a very real level. Deep inside most people feel lonesome to some degree, and feeling lonesome and left-out is a very common feeling for a human to have.
“Life goes on, and while everything dies, if I squint it can seem like it matters a damn that everything lives first."
❤
Dear Sara,
How do I get more loving butt hugs?
Have a loving butt?
Call me, we should meet
Dear TSF, probably 80% of people will write you off, because THEY are too shallow, on multiple levels of measurement. You seem to be in the 20% group that considers and appreciates individuals.
So we have thoughtful, caring advice or “fuck your feelings/Bootstraps” advice. I choose you people.
Here, here!
Couple of standout moments at the service today:
[ Judy Woodruff at the memorial service for Rosalynn Carter:
"I last interviewed President and Mrs. Carter together in July, 2021. I asked them how they thought President Biden was doing early in his term. Mrs. Carter said simply, it's a great relief to have him in office."
[Amy Carter: (a moment of levity)
"Secretary Clinton and Dr. Biden, we also welcome your lovely husbands."]
Melania's reaction:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GAC4ePEWEAAmmcr?format=jpg&name=small
Why was Melon even 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?
It's gracious that she was invited, and that she attended.
The free buffet.
I think she was asking herself the same question at these points in the service. lmao
She probably got a good $$$$$$$$$ bonus, up front of course, to make an appearance.
And Rosalyn would have invited her anyway.
Ah, the pandemic times.
I was just half-watching an old episode of 20/20 and it rolled into one of their periodic specials that they were doing on Covid. It was in early April 2020. Yikes. NYC was using refrigerated trucks as morgues; docs were trying to figure out whether masks helped you, or those around you, or both; scientists were furiously testing whether antibodies from people who already had it could help those who were currently in the throes of it; nobody could tell how the stimmy checks would go out and to whom; and PAB was suggesting that the country would be fully open by 4/30/20.
Dark times. The person I was involved with at the time was on the front lines of figuring out what to do and reported indirectly to Cuomo. I think the stress of it is what sent her around the bend into madness and self-destruction.
So many casualties we never even think about :(
Covid caused a swath of mental health crises that cut through DOH like fire through a field of dry cornstalks. It was so bad. People don’t know.
I think people are still suffering from the mental health effects of the pandemic and all of the follow-in bullshit. :(
Absolutely. If I recall correctly it’s been well documented.
And there are those people who were affected by the enforced isolation in ways that don't show.....
Nor I.
The hospital where I was born, was especially hard-hit.
I feel...seen.
As someone who is now very isolated secondary to a disability I don't allow myself to form terribly close relationships with other far more independent human beings. It is my worst nightmare to be any semblance of a burden and when able bodied friends want to go out, go places and do things I can't keep up. I know that so I stay home and keep to myself.
It's a little annoying for Cat the Ripper and paul once in a while, but for the most part I'm not getting on anyone's nerves.
Well, I like you, and surely some of your irl friends are like me; not one to count up how many times a disabled person needs a hand or a moment's extra consideration. After all, I _married_ someone disabled from birth. Its no big deal because he's well worth being around.
Honey? You are one of the smartest, coolest people I know. It would be an honor hanging out at home with you.
You're welcome here anytime!
Yayyyy!
Mrs Pixelz was in a wheelchair near the end. I would give up several of my body organs for a chance to again push, fold the chair, lock wheels while she holds on to me for transfer in and out of that chair. "In sickness and in health" turns out to be a real thing.
[quietly embraces you]
May you get some sleep tonight.
This budgie will as well.
I managed to get in a few hours of sleep last night, precious feathered friend. It was only 3 or 4 hours but it has made a difference this morning.
Tonight I'm aiming for FIVE.
Go, you. It’s truly amazing to me how much of a difference some sleep makes in my attitude.
Hoomin friend of mine took a brief flight outside.
She saw a couple of lovely black children walking home from school.
After that, she saw this birb out there, down the block from her house.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C0PjpvEOFTW/?igshid=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ==
Then she saw another lovely black family walking together.
The weather was chilly. Hoomin had a good little trippp.
There are people in my small circle who spark my Muse. I try to let them know in (hopefully) non-creepy ways that I enjoy having them in (or near) my life. I get genuine pleasure from a HAHA/LOL reply. (I soak up Wonket ♥️s like a ♥️ addict in a ♥️ desert. <-- Muse at work)
What was my point? Oh yeah, all evidence to the contrary, I don't feel like a Shadow Friend.
HAHA/LOL
Mercy, it's taken me half a century to stop projecting my needs onto other people and instead get to know who they really are. And I still do it, but at least I'm aware of it. I've also often thought that other people have more to offer in a friendship than I do, which has kept me from having a lot more close relationships. Not just because I didn't want to impose on others, but apparently I came off as aloof if we got closer, which sometimes left the other person hurt and wondering why I didn't like them. Not being part of the problem has been a big effort.