America Best-Loved, Most-Respected ... Nah, Scratch All That

So, is America great again yet? We were promised that citizens of Not America would quit laughing and respect us if we installed a Real Man™ in the White House. It's been 10yearsmonths since Donald Trump took office, so we've beaten ISIS and taken back our rightful place as the world's most super superpower, right?

ISIS is making big threats today - no respect for U.S.A. or our "leader" - If I win it will be a very different story,with very fast results

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 9, 2016 

China, OPEC and Russia laugh at us. But now thanks to Obama so does Syria. Very sad!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 3, 2013 

After President PoliGrip came back from Asia, he declared, “America’s renewed confidence and standing in the world has never been stronger than it is right now."

That's right, Ladies! So, we can sit at the popular kids' table now?

WHAT? WE DEMAND A RECOUNT!

OH. Well, what do the Swedes know anyway, right? Donald Trump is making Americans safer, and that's what's important.

Wait you mean the Arab world is REALLY FUCKING PISSED about Trump declaring Jerusalem the undivided capital of Israel? And now we're in danger of tragic Benghazi-style attacks at all our embassies? Who coulda seen that one coming? Like, besides Mattis, Tillerson, Pompeo and what's left of the State Department.

Countries (so far) where #USembassies have warned of possible violent protests over #Jerusalem decision:

Afghanistan

Austria

Bangladesh

Belarus

Britain

Croatia

Egypt

France

Germany

Greece

Israel

Italy

Jordan

Lithuania

Morocco

Norway

Pakistan

Portugal

Spain

Syria

Turkey

Venezuela

— Matt Lee (@APDiploWriter) December 7, 2017 

+ Australia

Canada

Malaysia

— Matt Lee (@APDiploWriter) December 8, 2017 

Damn, Canada! That's harsh. Maybe we can work it out at the South Korean Winter Olympics in February. Meet up for a little kimchi 'n' chill, if you know what we mean. Tell Justin Trudeau to wear something sexxxxy, and we'll wear our finest yard-long polyester tie secured by scotch tape.

Nikki Haley questions U.S. participation in the Winter Olympics amid tensions with North Korea https: //t.co/xubap35oLg 

— TIME (@TIME) December 7, 2017 

Oh, Fiddlesticks! Uncle Vlad says we have to stay home with him. Maybe it's for the best anyway, since the president is trying to start a nuclear war on the Korean peninsula.

Just heard Foreign Minister of North Korea speak at U.N. If he echoes thoughts of Little Rocket Man, they won't be around much longer!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 24, 2017 

Plus, you know ... everyone hates us now. Sad.

BREAKING!!! DRUDGE SIRENS!!! MAGA!!! Secretary Poot Lips gave us permission to come out and play!

UPDATE: The U.S. looks forward to participating in the Winter Olympics in South Korea. The protection of Americans is our top priority and we are engaged with the South Koreans and other partner nations to secure the venues.

— Sarah Sanders (@PressSec) December 7, 2017 

Wait up, guys! We're coming.

Guys! GUYS????

 Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, since Amazon COINCIDENTALLY stopped accepting our payments shortly after Evan’s VERY SEXIST Sanders post came out. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye. 

[ Fox / US State Dept, Travel Advisory / Pew Global / Business Insider ]