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America Prepares for War On Mordor
Helen Clark, leader of a ragtag band of humans locked in a death struggle with endless hordes of Orcs "down under," got a pledge of help from the president of the United States today.
"I assured her that our government would want to help in any way we can," said Bush, who announced that he would personally lead his finest warriors into battle against the fiends, cutting their foul flesh from their bounds with their American-forged broadswords.
It's not the first time that the United States has intervened in the affairs of Middle Earth. "The U.S. is focusing on the problems of the South Pacific," said Clark, the so-called "Prime Minister" of "New Zealand." "We've had close coordination," which mostly involved 1.6 billion gold hundredpieces of direct military aid to the beseiged humans, as well as U.S. "advisors" stiffening their ranks.
The offer of American troops would represent the first use of U.S. military might in a supernatural conflict since the Ark of the Convenant defeated the Germans in World War II.