Announcing Wonkette's New Advice Column, 'Fuckin A People, It's Not That Hard'!

The people have spoken, and that is to say "why doesn't Wonkette have an advice column," and "can I write it." A) okay, and b) NO YOU CANNOT. If anyone is going to be handing out life advices, it will be ME, THE MOM OF YOU. Since Dear Abby is shitting the bed lately, and Miss Manners, Peace Be Upon Her, is letting her own kids take over more and more of her life's work, and Dan Savage is TOTALLY PROBLEMATIC (just kidding, Dan Savage, you're cool), that leaves it to us to answer your questions about bad kids, bad husbands, bad wives, bad manners, bad moms, bad work, bad bosses, bad employees, bad sex, and probably nuclear isotopes. Some people think those are good! Those people have a teeny little Fukushima-sized blind spot.

Do not get your feelings hurt if you write to me and I am fuckin' mean back to you, because that is usually what happens when I read advice questions to other advice columnists and they are like "my mom looked at me cross-eyed once so I have cut her totally out of my life, but now I want her teapot collection" and Dear Judy is like "you poor you, DRAG HER." I am unlikely to agree you should cut "toxic" family out of your life unless they are actively abusive and shit! I am also problematic in that I don't have much patience for "anxiety" questions, except that in the past sevenish months I have become slightly more sympathetic, seeing as how we are all going to die of heart disease and ulcers and maybe Morgellon's Disease approximately 17 years from now, because this shit happening right now is a serious Traumatic Stress that we won't be "post" of for at least the next (checks watch) 4.5 months.

So there we go! Send your letters to "rebecca at wonkette dot com," and I will answer them maybe! (Pro-tip: questions with $$$$ attached -- because we're AD-FREE and you support us! -- MAY or MAY NOT get first dibs.) Maybe we will do this once a week, or maybe we will do it EVERY DAY, depending on whether or not you and your questions suck.

LET'S GO, LOSERS.