ANYWAY, Epstein Files? Tabs, Tues., Jan. 6, 2026

Every time Trump invades a country, it means the secrets about him in the Epstein Files are 20 times grosser. It's just math.

Tabs gifs by Martini Glambassador!

We’re not putting any special Epstein update in this tabs post, we’re just putting it in the headline. We’ll have a whole Epstein update this morning, though! Epstein! Epstein! Epstein!

Also, happy January 6 to all who celebrate the early onset of Great Satan Trump’s Fourth Reich.

Let’s start with these Venezuela videos!

Here is Nazi unfuckable Goebbels Stephen Miller being absolutely insane at Jake Tapper:

More on that interview later, probably!

Here is Maria Cortina Machado on the Hannity program offering to give her Nobel Peace Prize to the thirsty bitch who reportedly doesn’t want to let her lead Venezuela, even though she is the extremely popular leader of the opposition to the dictator he just kidnapped, because she didn’t give him her Nobel Peace Prize.

You might think this is pathetic — Sir! Sir! I’ll lick your ass and give you my peace statue if you’ll stop hurting me and my people! — but nah, we think she’s playing him like the easily manipulated narcissist dumbass he is. Remember: every news story about Donald Trump involves a group of people somewhere laughing at him behind his back and talking about what an easily manipulated narcissist dumbass he is.

Benny Johnson knows why Donald Trump invaded Venezuela and kidnapped Maduro, it is UHHHHHHH DURRRRR VENEZUELA DID DOMINION SMARTMATIC JEWISH ITALIAN SPACE LASERS TO THE 2020 ELECTION, UHHHHHH DURRRRRRR BENNY SAYS HE TALKED TO A GUY WHO SAYS THIS IS DEFINITELY FOR REAL WHAT HAPPENED, UHHHHH DURRRRRRRR JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL MADURO SPILLS THE REAL TRUTH, UHHHHHHH DURRRRRRRR. [Media Matters]

Ed Martin, the stupidest person ever to work at the Justice Department and yes, we are including Bing-bongo, Ka$h AND Pammy Jo Rollerskates in that equation, agrees with Benny:

Tucker Carlson is pretty sure we invaded Venezuela and confiscated Maduro in order to force Venezuela into legalizing some hot wet gay marriage. Or at least that’s what he thought about the possibility of such an event back in October. All this just sounds right. [JoeMyGod]

Reuters is reporting that Trump didn’t even consult with oil company execs on Venezuela, still hasn’t, despite how he lied about that on Air Force One on Sunday. Maybe it is because he is a dementia-addled dumbass who doesn’t understand what it means to “take a country’s oil,” much less run an oil business. Allegedly, Trump will now meet with them, allegedly. [Reuters]

Here is bootlicking fascist UN Ambassador Mike Waltz — yes, the Signalgate guy, remember that he failed out of the National Security Advisor position into the UN ambassador slot — essentially saying the US can take any nation in the Western hemisphere that it wants that’s doing things Dear Leader does not like. Because Trump and his Nazis think they own the entire hemisphere, because this is the Fourth Reich. Note how often they are now saying hemisphere. (Stephen Miller said it above.)

@meidastouch

MeidasTouch on Instagram: "Waltz: This is the western hemispher…

No really, the regime that wants to be the greatest Satan in human history really thinks they own the whole hemisphere. [Politico]

Defense Secretary Pete “Shitfaced” Hegseth announced yesterday that he will be initiating proceedings to demote Senator Mark Kelly’s retired rank, and thus reduce his retirement pay, for his non-controversial non-crime of reminding active duty servicemembers that they swear an oath to the Constitution, not Stupid Hitler, and that they have a duty to tell anyone giving them an illegal order to suck their fucking dicks. (Kelly said it more professionally.) So that is some petty ass tyrant bullshit. Of course it should be noted, and Mark Kelly did on Maddow last night, that Shitfaced is pretty clearly doing this because somebody has informed him and President Dementia Test that if they actually court martialed Kelly, they would lose bigly. Ergo, this is their little bitch boy stompy foot way of trying to go it alone. [New York Times]

Kristi Noem spent yesterday whining her little Sieg Heinie off because a Hilton property was allegedly refusing to rent rooms to the Gestapo in Minneapolis. Which makes us want to switch our loyalty from Marriott to Hilton, dunno about you, EXCEPT they caved and said the property in question is privately owned and operated and Hilton doesn’t “discriminate” against anybody. Not even Hitler’s little enforcers, we guess. So fuck Hilton. [Fox 9]

Related:

Donald Trump has another announcement about Tylenol and vaccines:

And another one:

Uhhhh. My God, that graphic.

But yeah, new vaccine schedule for kids just dropped, it’s not science-based, it’s because Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is a certifiable lunatic conspiracy theorist and a moron who looks like if formaldehyde took human form and became a credibly accused sex offender. That’s who’s in charge of deciding whether your baby should be vaccinated against easily preventable diseases that kill babies and children. [New York Times]

Hey, did you hear Canada is officially saying out loud that it’ll no longer be relying on US health guidance for reliable information, because of things like [see above]? Just another waypoint in the national suicide white MAGA voters and their leaders decided was preferable to trying to hack it in a world where they had to actually earn people’s respect. [Guardian]

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UK PM Keir Starmer says Trump needs to keep Greenland’s name out of his mouth, which is a lot more backbone than he’s shown with the Venezuela situation. [Independent]

Christ, that is enough real news.

Here, Jimmy Kimmel took the dementia test Trump is always bragging about ACING, the one his doctors seem to ask him to take quite frequently. Spoiler, he correctly identified the camel.

Movies I have watched or rewatched in the past week, along with official recommendations on should you watch them:

1. All About My Mother (Todo Sobre Mi Madre), un film de Pedro Almodóvar. This is one of my favorite movies ever, and I rewatched it to see how good my Spanish is getting. Answer: better than last time I watched a film en español! Anyway, sí, ¡mira!

2. Bad Education (La Mala Educación), otro film de Almodóvar. Also love this one. Rewatched it too, for Spanish purposes. ¡Mira!

3. Superman. ¡No un film de Almodóvar, y no en español! But it was fun and better than the Superman series that preceded this one, although Henry Cavill redeemed those by being extremely hot. New Superman David Corenswet is also muy guapo, pero no es tan guapo como Henry Cavill. Anyway, yes, watch it if you like superhero shit and you haven’t yet.

4. Because I Said So. Still watching/rewatching all the Diane Keaton films and the Rob Reiner films, for obvious reasons. This is a Diane Keaton film, with Mandy Moore and Meredith Graham and oh boy, it was not good, not even redeemed by Diane Keaton, because her character was so insufferably horrible. Watch a different movie instead of this one, that is our recommendation.

OK, good tabs, everyone, goodbye!

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