Assh*les On Boats! Tabs, Wed., Sept. 10, 2025

Morning news roundup! Things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Good morning, I’m sick, here’s your damn tabs!

WHAT. BRB pulling Dok off whatever I’d assigned him to (I think I got the COVIDs, I forget) and putting him on WHAT. WHAT. (New York Post)

Hahahahah look at these dipshits trying to make excuses about Joe Biden’s autopen signed Trump’s name to his funny Jeffrey Epstein sex cartoon. (Jeff Tiedrich)

This and more:

But who are you going to believe – Justice Kavanaugh or your lying eyes? Kavanaugh’s description reads as though it were downloaded from the Department of Homeland Security’s website. Almost every word of this is preposterous. “Brief investigative stops” at places where undocumented immigrants are likely to work? What we have seen repeatedly are not “stops.” They are grabs and kidnapping. Most often, no questions are asked. Even when colleagues have insisted that the person targeted by ICE agents are here legally, or that they are citizens, ICE agents proceed to tackle, beat, cuff, and spirit away individuals they have targeted. […] Kavanaugh’s claim that if ICE officers learn that you are in the country legally the officials “promptly let the individual go”? Really? Is three months “prompt”?[iii] Two months?[iv] One month?[v] Does he care at all what ICE detention is like? Does he know what 24 hours in those facilities are like?

(Sherrilyn Ifill)

Everybody’s ICE now! (Doomsday Scenario)

It’s always bothered me — I was thinking about it literally the other day! — that after Your Wonkette broke the story of Paula Deen being balls out fuckin’ racist, everybody got hung up on “did she say the n-word and is she sorry?” Because there was a hell of a lot more than ingrained-in-youth racial slurs; she wouldn’t let her Black employees work front of house or use the bathroom at work, and that’s fuckin illegal, Y’ALL. Now there’s a new documentary revisiting the “controversy” of “Paula Deen said a slur, and is she sorry?” and I was not even asked to opine. Fucking useless. (Washington Post, no gift link)

Here’s a very long and complex and confusing story on this judge who is charging a trans lawyer with … very bad, very bad, sure seems very bad wait no it doesn’t, it seems like persecution. (Chris Geidner at Law Dork)

New lawsuit just dropped. Buffalo PD would respond to simple assault 10x faster than they responded to “a domestic.” Well, it’s not like domestic violence even should be considered a “crime,” per just the president of the United States. (Buffalo News archive) Of course the White House is doubling down that domestic violence is just “made up.” (Independent)

Ooooh, is it time for a Hot Shit Blue State Walkoff? New Mexico is doing free universal (not means-tested!) child care! (19th News)

Everybody, time to sign up for your shit transplant! (New Atlas)

I brought you guys a present.

Every time I fly cross country, I enjoy watching five hours straight of Assholes on Boats. Those pikers got nothing on whatever the fuck these Bezoses are up to. (Vanity Fair)

When we get another Democratic president, and we will, presumably, some day, they better EMERGENCY all the powers, including packing the fuck out the Supreme Court. (Paul Waldman)

Come to My Mallory McMorrow fundraiser, or I will have so many uneaten foods and a bartender serving SIX PEOPLE drinks! McMorrow is Cool, and we Like her, and we desperately need Democrats in the Senate who get that HELLO, EMERGENCY. Join us at my Detroit home, Sun., Sept. 21, even if you’re not in Michigan (you can hang out with us on Zoom!); here’s where you can buy tickets! Hooray!

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