Attention Whore Deficit Disorder

* The new border fence is finished and America is finally safe from Mexicans! But the fence is in Georgia, for some reason. 

* Finally, Republican primary voters have their very own divorced Hollywood actor to play Reagan. 

* Tom Coburn's jumping in, too, because you can never have too many absolute nuts running for president.

* Oh boy, now there's a fifth tier of Democratic candidates. Welcome to the race, Cynthia McKinney! 

* Speaking of popular anti-war people named Cindy, looks like Sheehan's leaving on the midnight train to Shut-the-Fuck-Up-ville. 

* Walnuts and his terrorist organization kidnapped a little kid and made him make a terrible videotape full of anti-American lies. 

* The first bimbo eruption of the 2008 campaign is here, on a crappy MySpace page. 

* Welcome to the special torture prison on the Island of Sodor! 

* There's a whole lotta crap you can't say in the comments anymore -- if, you know, the editors ever actually read the comments.

* The Man is trying to make America's Favorite Marine shut up! 

* Antonin Scalia's daughter got loaded and tried to off her kids. 

* Jenna and Barbara are back in town, and were seen doing an eight-ball with a red-headed New York celebrity. 

* The Republicans are officially done with this "appealing to the middle class" bullshit, and fired the entire telemarketing staff. 

* Hillary promises low-paying service jobs to illiterate Americans.

* Another rat jumped off the USS White House. 

* Christopher Hitchens is so charming that nobody cares how utterly wrong he is about everything. 

* Rudy should be a natural at this stuff. But he isn't. 

* Condi Rice is nine years old.