Awwww, Hillary Clinton Bought A New House For All Her Emails Or Huma Or Whatever

This is what they will do at their new house.

UH OH IT IS TIME FOR SOME REAL ESTATE PORN! Last time we reported at you on a house for sale, or a house somebody done gone and bought, it was when lady-fucking straight man Matt Drudge bought the manse next door to his, for his long-time live-in "just helpin' a buddy out (ALLEGEDLY)" dude, Juan Carlos Alvarado. Before that, we told you about the HOTTEST LISTING in Scottsdale, Arizona, a 7,971-square-foot fuckpad owned by one Sarah Palin, former vice presidential candidate and grifter extraordinaire. (According to property records, she took it off the market because who the fuck cares why.)

But now we have a new hot real estate transaction to show you things about, and it is the sexxxy house Hillz and Billz Clinton just bought in Chappaqua, New York, a home that is RIGHT NEXT DOOR to their primary house:

The Clintons are building a compound in Chappaqua, New York.

Hillary and Bill Clinton have bought the house next door to their current home in Chappaqua, New York, for $1.16 million, according to deed information on the 33 Old House Lane home.

The 3,631-square-foot home, which was previously owned by architect Charles Chepigin, was sold to the Clintons on August 11, according to the documents.

The Clintons currently own the the 5,300-square-foot home at 15 Old House Lane, a property they bought in 1999 as Bill Clinton was leaving the White House and Hillary Clinton was running for Senate in New York. That home was purchased for $1.7 million.

By purchasing the new home, the Clinton's now own the entire cul-de-sac at the end of the road in the leafy New York suburb.

Presidential candidates and ex-preznits are just like us! They own entire cul-de-sacs! Oh, wait, you don't have one?

Anyway, we are just being silly, because CNN says this new house -- which is really not insane by the standards of insanely rich people -- is going to make it way more easier for Secret Service to keep an eye on the Clintons, probably to see how much criming they're doing at any given hour of the day.

Let's hit up Zillow to see if this fucker has granite countertops. (All pictures from Douglas Elliman Real Estate, who would probably love to sell you your next house all over the New York area, or in Florida, Connecticut, Colorado, New Jersey or California, where they work also too.)

Oh, it's cute!

Nice and traditional, but inside it's all ARCHITECTY:

Oh that will be a very nice little space for planning Benghazi 2: Electric Boogaloo, dontcha think? Or maybe the Secret Service can play canasta or bunco or whatever they do.

Oh that's a kitchen all right. And we're pretty sure those countertops are way more expensive than normal old new construction granite.

Ooh, nice bathroom! Great place to wash off the criming evidence and do poops or whatever.

SEXXXX.

Ooh, a pool! We like a nice pool. Skinny dipping at Hillz's place, y'all!

Beautiful grounds! You can bury a LOT of Clinton Body Counts with space like that.

The house also features a 212-square-foot basement (not pictured), which would be a really good place for a SEEKRIT EMAIL SERVER or Vince Foster's sarcophagus, not that we're suggesting it would be used for those things.

Anyway, good buy, Hillz 'n' Billz! You have way better taste than Sarah Palin, and this is a very nice place you have bought for planning Benghazi, goin' swimmin', and giving the Secret Service a nice place to do their sex scandals or whatever. Won't that be nice? Wonket will be watching for our invitation in the mail.

[ CNN / Zillow ]