Barack Obama Distantly Related To Republican Opponents, Again

This may come as a surprise if you were unaware that white people can get pregnant from black people and vice versa, but Barack Obama is distantly related to various people ...some of themthe very people who do not like Barack Obama being in politics! A couple of years ago, there was some Big News from a website that sells memberships to people who would like to obsess over their ancestors (instead of actually being alivenow, which is both hard and boring). Dick Cheney was related to Barack Obama, distantly! "Oh yeah 'cause Dick Cheney owns so many black slaves," most people thought, but no, the truth was/is that Obama's mom was a white lady and apparently Dick Cheney is also descended from white ladies, but anally. SCANDAL. And now this Internet company is asking us to not announce until October 13 that Barack Obama is also related to some other wingnuts who hate him.

Eh, stop sending "embargoed press releases." How about send the email when you are ready to send the email. What is this, 1986? Are you putting the emails in manila envelopes and then dropping them in a scuffed-up plastic USPS basket, which is then put on a cart by the slow guy and taken to the elevators and down to the mail room?

SO: Barack Obama is related to Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich, the end.