725 Comments

They left out the role of space aliens in this.....

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"We hate this election."

Don't worry. This will probably be the last election in the US.

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Wonkette can only stock our bunker with survivalist gear thanks to the generous donations from our readers.

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Ads on Radio Classics tell me that 4Patriots is having a sale, buy one bucket of emergency food and get three free. Better stock up, you're gonna need it for the bunker if things go wrong.

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Zero sense of irony indeed. Even the right wingers who aren't quite literal idiots are still possessed of zero sense of humour - so there went any sense of irony anyway.

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"a camera crew went door to door in an apartment complex outside Charlotte, asking people whether they were noncitizens registered to vote, with 10 percent responding yes."

So 10% were willing to admit to a random camera crew that they were illegally planning to vote? Hmmm, ok...

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no offense to barbara streisand but i mean...barbara streisand?

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Maybe they're still sore over "Yentl"?

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Don't get me wrong, I loves me some Babs, but c'mon, Tom Hanks is right there!

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WaPo now reporting two dead*. FreeLinky to the ongoing reporting: https://wapo.st/3xTcSSE

*Remember, per Trix's request, we can't publicly hope it was someone like Stephen Miller.

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People

Who kidnap famous people

Are the terrorest people in the world!

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Thank you for high-lighting and explaining the shell games fascists play. How fervently these cultists believe they are a beknighted majority ever defeated by a satanic minority. Pig ignorant assholes. (My apologies to our beloved pigs.)

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'in an apartment complex outside Charlotte, asking people whether they were noncitizens registered to vote'

Non-citizens can vote in State and local elections. It is not an universal ban.

OK. In North Carolina you need to be a US citizen to vote, apparently for state and local elections.

However, they don't require proof of citizenship to enrol. Which could lead to that confusion.

A non-citizen spouse or a step-child of a citizen might assume that they have the right to vote and even go and enrol. That isn't an issue, as the state hasn't taken enough steps to check eligibility. BUT, it does become an issue if they do try to vote. Which isn't compulsory.

Which is mad. 'We can't stop you from doing something that is not illegal to do, but then we won't do anything to stop you from committing a crime later on. Our bad'

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"Non-citizens can vote in State and local elections. It is not an universal ban.;

Is this true in EVERY state?. I cannot imagine it is, especially in the South...

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I can only go on what I found online. And here: https://ballotpedia.org/Laws_permitting_noncitizens_to_vote_in_the_United_States

My nation has a single piece of legislation managing federal elections. So, that means that there is no variation from state to state. State elections would have the same qualifications - must be citizen and voting is compulsory - but might be differences in the details. Qld has a unicameral legislative body, unlike the rest of the place - there must be some differences in the ballots.

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As far as I can tell, this page shows states where all non-citizen vtoing is prohibited...

As of June 2024, the following seven states included language explicitly prohibiting noncitizen voting in their state constitutions.

Alabama

Arizona

Colorado

Florida

Louisiana

North Dakota

Ohio

Lokking at this list, most of these are ones I would suspect.

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Your nation seems to be happily fractured on a North/South AND an East/West divide. As the inside of my nation is full of deadly animals, with a coast holding even deadlier ones, we all need to cling to each other for protection.

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And yet, despite all the beasties you have there, my best friend, whose wife's sister is married to an Australiian and lives there is hoping they can emigrate if Drumpf wins again, the other option being Germkany as his grandparents escapeed the Nazis.

Me, all my relatibves were from New York and Pennsylvania, and thier families came over from Scotland and England in the mid-1800s, so I'll just have to stay here...

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I’d love to see the MAGA inside polling that’s causing these people to go completely around the bend.

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Why Barbra Streisand? Why not Tom Hanks or Carol Burnett?

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Damn. I’ve been in multiplexes with less projection.

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My local rag had a piece on the infighting amongst the GQP. The MAGAts are purging the party of anyone who does not have his/her lips attached firmly enough to Farticus's butt. They even primaried the local head of their Moms 4 Fascism group, because she's not hardcore enough.

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Isn’t it « Barbra «  Streisand ? And I take issue with your claim that Orange Hitler is « sentient. » « Malevolent, » yes, but « sentient «  is pushing it.

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" TIP predicted that the Trump campaign would launch coordinated state and federal investigations into “alleged ‘voting irregularities’ in an effort to undermine public confidence in results that did not go Trump’s way.”"

This was not a hard prediction to make. The Fulvous Flatulence began spreading rumors and innuendo about voter fraud in mid-2020. He also paved the way to fraud claims in 2016, should he have lost. Russia hoax, anyone?

The Mango Malignancy not only cast doubts on the election process, he also cast doubts about the judicial system -- ever since he was shown to be the loser he is when 60 courts all threw out his claims of irregularities. He further showed that what Americans have considered basic governance can be turned on its ear at the hands of a sick, paranoid, narcissistic sociopath -- well before 2020.

Two of the other three predictions in the same graf were also rather easy to suss out: an attempt to prevent the counting of mail in ballots since he would have assumed that a majority were for Biden (it was a Dem GOTV effort to assure those who would have difficulty getting to their polling place would still have their votes counted), and of course a favorite bugaboo was and still is Antifa and their opposition to RINO authoritarianism. (I'm convinced that the reason that the John Brown Gun Club and the Redneck Revolt hasn't been included on the RINOs' list is because so few of them have heard of either of these two organizations, among many other Leftist militias.)

To me, the only surprise was the prediction of false electors.

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"One of the biggest dangers to free and fair elections is the Biden Administration's weaponization of every single federal agency to work with far-left groups for the biggest get-out-the-vote operation in human history."

This is opposed to every single Right wingnut group doing everything they can to suppress the voting rights of those they think might vote Dem, or at least won't vote for the MAGA oberster Fuhrer. And, I'd love to see proof from the Heritage Foundation that "every single federal agency [was] to work with far-left groups" to sway the vote.

Furthermore, there is nothing illegal about a political party making a strong GOTV effort, the RINOs have been conducting their own GOTV operations this year (including a complete reversal by the Goldenrod Grotesqueness on mail-in ballots).

Plus, the ability to vote by all citizens for its leaders is only a few hundred years old while human history is many many magnitudes longer. This is just another example of the hyperbole used by the New GOP to describe their various actions. I've lost count of the number of times the Sandstone Snowflake and his proxies, minions, toadies and turd polishers have offered up the (wrong) opinion that anything done by them is the best in the history of America... hell, in world history.

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"They honestly think antifa [sic] and BLM are the modern equivalent of, like, the PLO or Shining Path or something. It will never stop being wild that they think this."

Yet they view groups like the Proud Boys, the III Percenters, the Oath Keepers, the Boogaloo Bois and every other Right wing militia as "patriots" who are only looking out for what is best for their country, and standing in rigid support of the Presidency -- just so long as POTUS has an "R" after his name, and is not female or a Dem.

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“As things stand right now, there’s a zero percent chance of a free and fair election,” said Mike Howell, executive director of Heritage’s Oversight Project. “I’m formally accusing the Biden administration of creating the conditions that most reasonable policymakers and officials cannot in good conscience certify an election.”

Projection. thy name is MAGA. The zero percent chance that 2024 will be free and fair can be predominantly laid at the feet of the hard Right and their current and expected asshattery . It is the hard Right that has caused the lack of confidence in our voting system. It was the hard Right claiming that electronic voting machines were hacked to change votes cast. It is likely that the hard Right will post militiamen just outside the legal distance from a polling location, openly armed and haranguing voters that they have to vote R if they know what is good for them. It is the hard Right who will not certify an election, "in good conscience," if they don't win. It is the hard Right, and the RNC, that want to place Repub election watchers *inside* of voting centers where political partisanship is not supposed to show at all.

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"We would like to not take this dipshittery seriously"

As would, imo, a majority of Americans. The problem is that the MAGAdroids are serious, as serious as a case of Stage IV Breast Cancer.

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"Again, zero sense of irony, because these idiots lack the capacity for it."

This is further evidenced by some of the organizational names the asshats use:

* The House Freedom Caucus;

* America First;

* Moms for Liberty;

* The Main Street Caucus

* Susan B Anthony Right to Life (SBA was a staunch believer in a woman's autonomy and right of choice. See https://susanbanthonyhouse.org/blog/misrepresenting-susan-b-anthony-on-abortion/);

* Any organization that has "right to life" in their name (these people are antiabortion, not altruistically believing in the sanctity of all lives)....

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“coordinated invasion over our southern border for the purposes of impacting this election”

IOW, The Great Replacement Theory: completely disingenuous and just more bovine scat that will scare low-info voters into believing we are being overrun by illegal immigrants, and the only cure is the White House and both House and Senate majorities belonging to the New GOP.

Besides, if Mr Howell actually believes this then why was he silent when the Cadmium Orange Cancer insisted that the RINOs shoot down a comprehensive new immigration policy that gave the "conservatives" almost everything they wanted while stifling Dem desires -- just so that he can use it as a political cudgel against his enemies? And if this *is* true, the numbers being bandied about by the Heritage Foundation conflate Green Card holders, other legal immigrants, and illegal immigrants, so the figures have no substance to them.

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"God do we hate this election. Have we mentioned how much we hate this election? We hate this election."

Know that you are far from alone feeling the trepidation of this election cycle. Personally, I'm scared shirtless at the prospect of the US falling into the hands of the Right wingnut asshats, and what that will mean for my country and me.

fnord

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You have to remember, all of these scenarios the Heritage Foundation is gaming are based on what they would consider doing if the roles were reversed. Some of them are even based on stuff they’ve already done. Just swap out “MAGA idiots” with “Antifa/BLM” and “the Capitol” with “immigrant detention facility” and you have how they imagine the left would pull off J6.

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