Things are getting rough out there for Ted Cruz, ever since God and Jesus personally visited his dad Rafael Cruz late at night toput a baby in his buttto tell Ted he's supposed to run for president of America. So young Teddy did answereth the call to be The Chosen One, and HOLY FUCKBISCUITS, it sucks! That is the message of Cruz's latest whore-grifter campaign email,
Don't worry, once you're President, you can take a long vacation and go mountain biking, brush clearing, and intelligence report ignoring. Just like the last Republican President.
I would be happy to send him a 50-DD wet nurse to stopper that whiny mouth.
I honestly never expected Wonkette to campaign so hard for this guy.
Sort of like Scott Walker.
"Father, why hast thou forsaken me? No really - you never call. No one does."
It's legal to send copies of Twilight in the mail, so ...
So quit, Teddy. It hasn't hurt $arah's griftin' any.
Don't worry, once you're President, you can take a long vacation and go mountain biking, brush clearing, and intelligence report ignoring. Just like the last Republican President.
Aaaaaand....cue Sarah McLachlan music!
He's from Alberta. What he knows about poutine could be carved in three-inch high letters on a block of granite, put in your eye, and not be noticed.Vive le QuΓ©bec libre!
Have you got one for sale? I need something to drown out those 'Justin Trudeau isn't ready to be Prime Minister' ads on TV.
Unfair! Some of us would like one too!
It's sad really. It's almost like he's lost the will to even try at this point.
When that phone call comes in at 3 AM, let the poor dear sleep.
Pizza at campaign events is so wrong - rubber chicken or GTFO!
Imma just thinkin out loud...but if cruz were elected we could have tiny tears speaker AND whiney boy pres. And the world will keep on laughin
His wife is willing to invest everything in keeping Ted on the trail & out of the house? Color me beige with a not-at-all shocked look on my face.