Who Wants To Hear Ben Shapiro Say 'Beaver Nipples' HEY WAIT COME BACK!

Don't worry, it's not Wet Ass Beaver Nipples.

The first thing we want anyone reading this to know is that the guy in the video talking about "beaver nipples" is a normal guy and not even remotely a perv.

LOL just kidding, we cannot guarantee either of those things.

So the Daily Wire's Ben Shapiro, the little talking pocket protector guy who one time asked his doctor wife with what we can only imagine was horror in his eyes why a woman's nether regions might become wet, is upset that a beaver on "Blue's Clues" allegedly had transgender top surgery, and that is why in this clip Ben keeps saying "beaver nipples."

You will be very shocked to learn that Ben Shapiro is kind of sort of 100 percent trying to manufacture some outrage. Then you will become shocked that Ben Shapiro wants to use the outrage he just manufactured to grift for a product that is not currently available and might never be.

WHAT?

“Ben Shapiro: "One of the beavers on 'Blue's Clues' has had a top surgery. So, first of all, beavers don't have two nipples"”

— Jason S. Campbell (@Jason S. Campbell) 1684167023 

Ben the shunned social reject starts off the clip with "exciting news" that the show "Blue's Clues" is "now promoting Pride nonsense." He then slips in that actually he is outraged about something that happened "circa 2021." ( Yep, the thing Ben is mad about actually happened. ) So Ben isn't really here with any Wet Ass Breaking News, but rather bringing up something that happened two years ago, in order to get the pigs who listen to the Daily Wire a-squealin'.

SHAPIRO: They put out graphics of characters from "Blue's Clues" carrying gay pride flags. One of the beavers from "Blue's Clues" has had a top surgery! So, first of all, beavers don't have two nipples, I mean, it's weird that we're now supposed to talk about beaver nipples, but that's where we are as a society.

Oh is that where we are? Is some kind of undefined "they" forcing us to talk about beaver nipples? Because we are pretty sure nobody in the world said "beaver nipples" today until Ben did. (It's possible a beaver expert said "beaver nipples" in some kind of clinical context. But they didn't angrily yell it .)

SHAPIRO: But apparently beavers trans themselves. Now I have a little secret for you: beavers don't actually do that, that's not a thing.

It is so weird how he just babbles a million miles a minute, it's so creepy and nervous and off-putting. We bet he asked his wife the Wet Ass Pussy questions really fast and nervous like that too.

SHAPIRO: You cannot allow your kids to watch children's TV. You can't.

Sorry to kids of Daily Wire hosts and listeners that your parents are fucking losers who won't let you watch cartoons.

SHAPIRO: Don't let your kids watch children's TV without pre-screening the shows. Don't do it!

Here comes the grift.

SHAPIRO: Or alternatively go subscribe to Daily Wire+, the kids' content is coming, I know, I know, everybody keeps asking when, the answer is "soon," I promise I'll let you know as soon as we have it ready, but it's gonna be AMAZING. Let us pre-screen the content for you, and that way your kids can watch stuff without worrying about whether a beaver is going to have ... his ... her ... breasts removed or some such nonsense on "Blue's Clues."

Yeah, kids, don't you want to watch kids' TV made by that guy up there? He seems pretty cool and fun to be around, right? Bet he's a blast at kids' birthday parties too. He'd probably have cool TV shows ideas, yeah?

WAIT. We actually know the answer to that question, and it is not "yes."

So Ben is stirring up outrage over something that happened a few years ago, we guess because everybody's bored with the Bud Light shit, and it's hard to use anti-Bud Light sentiment to grift for right-wing children's TV that doesn't exist but might at some point in the future and will probably suck one thousand loser dicks when and if it does come out, but anyway, go ahead and give Ben Shapiro your money ahead of time so they can make some shitty TV for your kids.

Good sales pitch, Ben. No notes.

OPEN THREAD

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

I would like a BlueSky invite.

I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post! 

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