Bible-Banging Buffoon Blasts Boston-Married Bulldaggers, Bronies

DEPRAVED PASTEL LESBIAN HORSES, PEOPLE

Ken Ham, the Australian loonypants who runs the "Creation Museum" and the "Ark Encounter" in Kentucky, has found himself something new to be upset about! It seems this weekend, the animated TV series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic will introduce its first officially gay characters , and Ham is very, very upset -- as you'd expect from a dude who lit up his fake Noah's Ark in rainbow colors (to steal rainbows back from the gays ) and thinks that if Miley Cyrus says she's gender fluid, she may as well go do sex to barnyard animals. So Ham took to the Twitters to warn parents to be careful buying toys during June, lest they get The Gay all over them.

The episode, to be broadcast this Saturday, involves (spoiler warning) Auntie Lofty and Aunt Holiday, the guardians of a little-kid pony named Scootaloo, whose parents have never been seen in the show. (This fact resulted in a lot of glurgy fan fiction about Scootaloo the sad orphan.) When Lofty and Holiday were introduced in a novel spin-off to the series in 2017, MLP writer and producer Michael Vogel explained on the Twitters that yes, they're a couple, and a cute couple at that:

What a cute couple!!!!! https: //t.co/h7EroakFpQ

— mktoon (@mktoon) 1507764998.0 

The image, we should note, is fan art by friend of Wonkette "Pixelkitties, " who is worth following on Twitter if you're an animation/pop culture nerd. In replies to someone who wanted to know "Are they really lesbians in the actual book?" Vogel patientlyexplained, "They aren't sisters," and, "When I say 'cute couple,' I'm saying that Aunt Holiday and Auntie Lofty are a cute couple. Yes." And lo, there was some mild tut-tutting from some parts of the fandom, but mostly a collective "That's nice."

The upcoming episode will be the first time the characters have actually been animated, and it's nicely timed for Pride Month. Vogel told Buzzfeed that he and MLP showrunners Nicole Dubuc and Josh Haber wanted to be sure Aunt Holiday and Auntie Lofty made it into the TV series, which is in its final season, so the two could "officially" be part of the show's fictional world.

"I think it's fantastic that we can show that what truly defines a family is love — that, to me, is the core of My Little Pony ," Dubuc said [...]

For Vogel, who is gay, it was important to him for the show to reflect the real world.

" My Little Pony has always been about friendship and accepting people (or ponies) that are different from you. So it just felt like something important to do," he said.

Fan reactions to the news has generally been positive, albeit with a significant number of people complaining about spoilers.

But then there's Ken Ham, who needed to make clear that anyone who lets their children watch a story with gay Aunties in it is surely damning their kids to a life of depravity:

Seems more & more companies are jumping on the bandwagon of the war against children to destroy them by drawing the… https: //t.co/GtTo3rw143

— Ken Ham (@Ken Ham) 1560337371.0 

And what did Ham want parents to keep in mind at all times? It was an important Bible verse that surely refers to protecting innocent children from cartoons Ken Ham dislikes:

...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (Philippians 4: 8)

That tells you everything you need to know about children's entertainment, to be sure: "Adventure Time" is honorable, "Steven Universe" is pure (and just!), virtually anything by Hayao Miyazaki is lovely and commendable, and "My Little Pony," with its wide range of complex female characters (in a matriarchal utopia no less), is excellent and worthy of praise. Oh, yes, and now it has a couple of officially gay characters, although in fan fiction, pretty much every character has already been shipped with every other anyway. The show has even nodded to some of the fanfic about one supposed couple, Lyra and Bon Bon, with bantering dialogue about what very good friends they are. In a dream sequence, the two even have a physical relationship... of sorts.

As for Ham's fears about a brief inclusion of same-sex characters in a kids' show? Most replies just made fun of him and enjoyed pointing out that Ham's Ark Encounter "museum" recently sued its insurer for refusing to cover rain damage to the attraction.

Then Ham moved on to a truly devastating critique of the movement for LGBTQ rights: T-shirt ordering options prove the gender binary, as ordained by God.

So on Amazon, you can order your T-shirt that states "There are more than two genders." But it's only available in… https: //t.co/6gMM6Fy3H6

— Ken Ham (@Ken Ham) 1560338646.0 

Wow, guess the world's trans people just vanished in a puff of logic. What a smart man!

Honestly, with all the madness out there, an idiot like Ken Ham making culture-war noises about T-shirts and kid's TV shows promoting degeneracy seems positively nostalgic. "Oh look, he said lesbian cartoon horses cause depravity! Isn't that retro?"

[ Buzzfeed / Comics Beat ]

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