Big Dick Cheney: What's New Pussycat?

The swankalicious dance moves. (Even with his ass planted firmly in a chair, the man swings!) The deep, rumbly, full-throated baritone, like a bull moose in love. The seam-busting weapons program in his pants. (How many tailors have simply dropped their thread and needle and said, "No mas!") Hands down, Big Dick Cheney does the best Tom Jones impression we've ever seen.— GREG BEATO

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