Big John's From TEXAS, Where Rush Limbaugh And Newt Gingrich Are Criticized Every So Often

• After abdicating, benign boner George W. Bush spent his days quietly playing Guitar Hero and landing juice box endorsements. But Jesus had different plans for Archdick Cheney. [ Off The Grid ]

• Amber Alert! Thousands of peeling, morbidly obese millionaires have been abducted in Maryland. Consult with your milk carton, leave no yacht barnacle or dead hooker unturned! Oh God please return them safe and untaxed! MY BABIES! [ RedState ]

• As a practical joke, Daniel Ellsberg leaked Michelle Malkin 50,000 illegible emails detailing how, with a little help from ACORN, every character from Disney's Aladdin -- even Jafar -- voted for Barack Obama. [ Michelle Malkin ]

• Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) -- also known as "Big Bad John"or simply"gimp" -- has once again gone off and done something really really gay! [AMERICAblog ]