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Beelzebub Griddlecake's avatar

Someone really needs to come up with a way to Pinto-ify a bicycle, so that if some asshole in a car runs you over, there’s a satisfying fireball that takes out the car that hit you. I’m just assuming that the cyclist’s odds of survival are pretty low, so a little detonation won’t make much difference.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

My mind drifts back to the halcyon days of watching Star Trek on the Sony Trinitron in a trailer in Hobbs New Mexico. Two or three times a week my brother and I could adjust the rabbit ears properly and if the moon was right we could get a clear signal from the teevee station In Amarillo, TX!

But that never gave me the ability to teleport to the Waffle House. No big thing since we could walk 1500 feet to the Waffle House on the highway. Besides, considering how often the transporter malfunctioned, it was faster to just walk.

Demme Epstein Fatale's avatar

!shocker!

Petty, performative, bullshit!

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Trux Mint In Box's avatar

When I was younger one of the first times I heard about Rush Limbaugh was when he was talking about bike paths and was like “Who wants to use bikes?? Exercise isn’t a right”

That’s when I realized just how different these idiots were.

CzechJournalists's avatar

i were fourteenish and just learning about the political spectrum. he said communism and fascism were close together and i knew it weren't so, quite the opposite.

Joe Bacon's avatar

That slob probably fell off a bike with training wheels on it.

Cincinnatus's avatar

Today's a.m. toot:

"If the Radical Left Democrats don’t immediately sign an agreement to let our Country, in particular, our Airports, be FREE and SAFE again, I will move our brilliant and patriotic ICE Agents to the Airports where they will do Security like no one has ever seen before, including the immediate arrest of all Illegal Immigrants who have come into our Country, with heavy emphasis on those from Somalia, who have totally destroyed, with the approval of a corrupt Governor, Attorney General, and Congresswoman, Ilhan Omar, the once Great State of Minnesota. I look forward to seeing ICE in action at our Airports. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! President DONALD J. TRUMP"

Joe Bacon's avatar

Let me guess...The Gestapo will go thru the luggage and steal whatever they want!

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Can you imagine those Meal Team Six whackos doing luggage searches? Should we just give the airline CEOs Donnie mobile number? Seems everyone *else* has it ...

CzechJournalists's avatar

those guys were prolly from or near San Antonio.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

I'm sure the airlines are gonna like this...

David Maceira's avatar

Surely you can't be serious..

Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

Oh yes, and stop calling me Surely.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Sorry, but it's the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

UnDrewsual's avatar

I'd be willing to bet a sizeable amount of money that Trump is physically incapable of riding a bike and, even if he were, he never learned how as he's never ridden one in his miserable life.

CzechJournalists's avatar

honestly surprised i've never seen him on a segway.

Joe Bacon's avatar

Just the thought of that asshole riding a tricycle and Fox News praises him for not falling off of it...

motmelere's avatar

It would have to be industrial grade, and electric.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Might be fun to watch if we started him at the top of a hill. Just sayin'

Larry Schmitt's avatar

I'd bet he can't drive either. Never had a license.

"M"'s avatar

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐉𝐚𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐀𝐈𝐏𝐀𝐂 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 - 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐍𝐎 𝐀𝐈𝐏𝐀𝐂 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘 - 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 W𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐫𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲

Tabitha has the receipts

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-UR7Ga3CGzk

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

Here in the Communist Hellscape that is California, I have done a productive thing.

We bought a used car that had originally been in Florida.

When we got it they had already registered it in CA. Now many people in CA really hate having a front license plate. I think its actually a sexual inadequacy thing but that's not important. Now in Florida they care even less about catching criminal drivers so they only require a rear license plate, so the car only had holes in the back for a plate. The dealer that sold us the car fitted the rear plate and just gave us the front one.

Now, where I come from no dealer would knowing let you drive off in a vehicle that's in violation of a traffic law (seriously, we wanted proof of insurance before you could take the car).

But the law is very clear, it just says if the DMV sends you two plates you need to mount both.

And because we just got a ticket for not having a front plate, I just fitted the damn front plate.

And while I did I wondered why they have never updated the plate to something that's actually intended to be read at a distance. The entire rest of the world uses a font size that's multiple times more visible...

I didn't have a point, I will not take questions at this time.

CzechJournalists's avatar

seems like more of the pricier makes and models are not front license plate friendly.

Old Man Yells at Cloud's avatar

It is cheaper to stamp 2 identical plates than two different plates.

Cincinnatus's avatar

"Why don't Teslas have front license plates?"

Short answer:

-Not all areas enforce front license plate laws.

-Tesla typically delivers vehicles without license plate holders installed.

-Many Tesla owners are car enthusiasts who care more about aesthetics than potential tickets.

-Non-permanent license plate holders like SnapPlate are available.

https://everyamp.com/blogs/tesla-tips-tricks/why-dont-teslas-have-front-license-plates?srsltid=AfmBOor16wu_tRCOIDV1KqYfrjlGGGlMyL5XiWaIl3ukw4WiX433ki5G

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

"because laws are for little people".

And right there is what's wrong with Americans.

Nuernburger's avatar

“car enthusiasts” = jackoffs.

David Maceira's avatar

Not to worry! But the techno bros have been hard at work and they figured that out already.

They'll just track your cell phone. Or the satellite link in the cars navigation system.

gallbladder's avatar

Just one question...

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

I WILL NOT TAKE QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME!!!

gallbladder's avatar

What are you trying to hide?

Hollysdower's avatar

Will you at least thank me for my attention to this matter?

Hollysdower's avatar

OK, dumbest executive order ever, if he ever actually signs it:

https://x.com/Acyn/status/2035015405790798080?s=20

Marty Smit's avatar

That’ll bring gas & grocery prices down.

gallbladder's avatar

𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐈'𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐱𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥.

What in the Holy Mother of Fuck did I just read?

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

It’s not like he has anything else to do.

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

He's trying to find a thing he won't fail at.

Bad news for him, he already had that job, it was on TV.

Not that he was any good at the job.

chascates's avatar

Fucking asshole!

@realDonaldTrump:

"Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! President DONALD J. TRUMP"

https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116268334535345382

Marty Smit's avatar

The Trump administration just reintroduced a an investigation into Mueller last week, after having been laughed out of court on their first attempt.

Mueller had been struggling with Parkinson’s disease, so, of course, Trump would harass a elderly, sick person. 🤬😡😠

Hobbes17's avatar

At such times I wish he could read the reactions to his own demise. What a tiny petty little man he is.

Marty Smit's avatar

His grifting offspring will see them.

gallbladder's avatar

Donnie, you're not skating your way to Heaven anytime soon. Might be time for you to fire up another grift to try and buy St. Peter.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Does St. Peter take ScamCoin™?

chascates's avatar

If Biden were to die Trump would try to prevent a state funeral.

gallbladder's avatar

Of that I've no doubt.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

He hurt asshole’s feels by telling the truth about the grimy fucker.

David Maceira's avatar

Next up. Bike helmets will be outlawed. They'll call it the "Fuck the Bucket" campaign.

Kateorite's avatar

Not 'til their done with "Fuck the Buck."

David Maceira's avatar

Entirely new meaning to the "Buck stops here."

Kateorite's avatar

All the bucks but none of the bill.

Lounge Lizard's avatar

There is no evil act too great or too petty for these assholes to pass up.

Pisto75666-Radical Left Scum's avatar

This is happening all because Taco can't ride a bike, isn't it?

David Maceira's avatar

It would be impossible for him to throw his necrotic leg over the crossbar.

So, they'd have to give him a girl's bicycle.

Hollysdower's avatar

He should ride a girl's bike. A little pink one, with training wheels so he can't go boom, and a playing card taped to the wheel to give it that fake engine noise.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

He just likes to wreck stuff. They’ll half-ass this like everything else they do.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

It's dangerous riding a bike if you are not awake...

Anarchy Pony's avatar

Bikes are for commie, hippie, f@66ots, duh! 'MERKA!

EyeQueue's avatar

Long-haired hippy type pinko f***!

Jenuit Fracking Crisco's avatar

Or because Biden was known to ride one

Pisto75666-Radical Left Scum's avatar

That too, also (I was going to add it but decided not to. lol)

Bitter Scribe's avatar

The New Dork Times comes SO close to getting it:

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦-𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬, 𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘱 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳.

Testing his WHAT??????

Attention NYT: You're still sanewashing this guy.

Only TBF, it's gotten to the point where any attribution of rational thought, planning, or understanding of the consequences of actions becomes "sanewashing" when applied to Trump.

gallbladder's avatar

I want to hear more about this battery...

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Maybe it's like the ones the people of Philly threw at Santa Claus?

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Is it the one that wears out when you exercise or the dreaded boat battery?

Lounge Lizard's avatar

What f*cking abilities? Jesus. The non-stop sane-washing is what got Trump elected. Can't they at least take a pass on it now?

Free beach's avatar

Leader? Testing abilities?

Cofefe.

Jenuit Fracking Crisco's avatar

They also said he was unforgiving about Mueller.

That's a word for it I suppose.

The sanewashing will continue until morale improves

gallbladder's avatar

How does one frack Crisco? And does it make the chicken taste better?

Jenuit Fracking Crisco's avatar

Carefully, and yes

Must Credit Hammy! I stoled it from him

UVB-76's avatar

I'd like to cut those curlicues off Ty Cobb's mustachio.

Up Here in the Clouds's avatar

As a dabbler in steampunk I have wanted to shave that whole damn mustachioed off his face for *years*.