Bill Cosby May Be Eating Puddin' Pops In Prison For Next 10 To 30 Years

At a hearing in Pennsylvania today, a judge decided there was enough evidence to send celebrated comedian, alleged serial rapist and confirmed Ghost Dad Bill Cosby to trial for three counts of felony assault against Temple University employee Andrea Constand. If convicted on these charges, he stands to spend the next 30 years of his life in prison, 10 years alone if he is "convicted of violating the accuser while she was impaired, unconscious or could not give consent."

This would obviously be a victory for the litany of women who have come forward accusing Cosby of drugging and/or sexually assaulting them, and a defeat for the somehow large amount of people out there who still feel pretty sure that literally all of those women must be lying because it is so super fun to come forward about having been sexually assaulted by a beloved actor and comedian, and then be called a lying slut by all the d-bags in the universe.

At the hearing, after the judge heard Constand's decade-old police report read in court, Cosby insisted that their "sexual encounter" had been totally consensual and that she never told him to stop. The latter of which was likely true if she was indeed unconscious.

However, some excerpts from Cosby's deposition in the case the AP released this week reveal that he is not super aware of what consent means!

Q: So, you're not telling us that you verbally asked her for permission?

A: I didn't say it verbally, I said. The action is my hand on her midriff, which is skin. I'm not lifting any clothing up. This is, I don't remember fully what it is, but it's there and I can feel. I got her skin and it's just above the hand and it's just above where you can go under the pants.

Q: Then what happens?

A: I don't hear her say anything. And I don't feel her say anything. And so I continue and I go into the area that is somewhere between permission and rejection. I am not stopped.

OH. He didn't say it verbally. And neither did she! And you gave her drugs right before that! Yes, this all seems on the up and up. Nothin' weird to Bill Cosby about giving some 'ludes to a lady for the purpose of having sex with her!

Cosby testified that he had gotten quaaludes from his doctor in Los Angeles in the 1970s. He said he was given seven prescriptions for the now-banned sedative, ostensibly for a sore back.

Q: Why didn't you ever take the quaaludes?

A: Because I used them.

Q: For what?

A: The same as a person would say, "Have a drink."

Q: You gave them to other people?

A: Yes.

Q: Did you believe at that time that it was illegal for you to dispense those drugs?

A: Yes.

Q: How did (the doctor) know that you didn't plan to use (them)?

A: What was happening at that time was that, that was, quaaludes happen to be the drug that kids, young people were using to party with and there were times when I wanted to have them just in case.

Q: When you got the quaaludes, was it in your mind that you were going to use these quaaludes for young women that you wanted to have sex with?

A. Yes.

Oh, sure. Nothing at all strange about that. Definitely no difference at all between buyin' a lady a nice cocktail and giving her a very strong prescription sedative similar to a roofie!

Naturally, Cosby's lawyers insist there is nowhere near enough evidence to convict him, but we shall all have to wait and see.

[ Associated Press / Associated Press 2 ]