Bolton Sexes Up the U.N.

John Bolton, our own recess-appointed, stapler-hurling, hallway-charging ambassador to the United Nations, has stepped up his assault on the very institution where he practices, uhm, diplomacy. Picking up the initiative to reform the UN launched by Secretary of State Condaleeza Rice this September, Bolton has recently threatened to alter the UN's budget approval process, doling out funds in annoying three-month intervals until the international body demonstrates "significant progress" in overhauling human-rights monitoring, peacekeeping missions and other things that sound suspiciously nonbelligerent and multilateral. Huffing through his Yosemite Sam mustache, Bolton declared to the reporters he had convened:

"This is a moment of crisis for the United Nations. If we don't get serious reform, it's going to put us in a very difficult position, It's now two months since the end of the September summit and we have essentially not made progress since that point. We've got a lot of work to do and there's not a lot of time to do it" . . . .Looking a questioning reporter straight in the eye, Mr. Bolton said "reform is not a one night stand, reform is forever".

Peering yet more deeply into the trembling reporter's very soul, Mr. Bolton continued: "You know what else is forever? Ass-whuppings. Now, run along, you little pantywaists, I'm off to score me a realone-night stand. Hold on, I'm a-comin', Miss Kitty!"-- HOLLY MARTINS

 Bolton Streeses Urgent NEed for UN Reform [VOA News]