Bonespurs McNoNoRamps Explains How To Afghanistan: First You Bomb The Troops!
Discover more from Wonkette
Bonespurs McNoNoRamps Explains How To Afghanistan: First You Bomb The Troops!
Whose troops? Our troops!
There is this unemployed guy in Florida or maybe in New Jersey, we do not know. He's not allowed to have Twitter, he literally hates the troops, and he got out of going to Vietnam because his feet were allegedly achy. For a brief and embarrassing time, thanks to the help of a hostile foreign nation called Russia and a quirk of our American system that allows actual losers to "win" elections, he served as president.
Oh yeah, and that guy? It was his very stupid decisions last year, including his decision to give the Taliban everything it wanted in exchange for absolutely nothing — Art of the Deal, y'know — that set us on the course to where we are right now with this Afghanistan withdrawal, which is admittedly going pretty poorly.
There are lots of people who are totally qualified to offer their $.02 on what's going on in Afghanistan right now. There are likewise many people who should shut their fucking gourd holes and never utter sounds from them again. Donald Trump is the crown prince of that second group.
Nonetheless, he has advice. He didn't think it through very well, though:
Former President advocates bombing US troops 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻 https: //t.co/AIuvaYPOzD
— Andrew Feinberg (@Andrew Feinberg) 1629392293.0
Oh man, if this was a game of The Oregon Trail, poor Donald would have just gotten the dreaded "You have died of dysentery" message. (Was there an Oregon Trail message for "You just massacred literally everyone you're traveling with"?)
Let's parse:
First you bring out all the American citizens.
OK.
Then you bring out ALL equipment.
OK.
Then you bomb the bases into smithereens --
OK, but what about the forts?
AND THEN YOU BRING OUT THE MILITARY.
Wait.
A lot of people are noticing that Trump just bombed the troops before he brought out the troops. And that is a valid criticism. Unless there is some secret step here where the troops are all supposed to hide in holes in the ground far away from the bases (and the forts ), then Trump just totally bombed the shit out of the bases (and the forts ) with the troops inside them .
That's either highly irresponsible or just yet another fuckin' gift to the Taliban.
Not as many people are noticing that Trump also took ALL the equipment away from the troops before he bombed them . He doesn't specify how much time passes between taking all their equipment and bombing them. Are they just sitting ducks in empty bases (or forts ) with no equipment of any kind? And what is he including when he says "equipment"? Did Trump steal their food and their weapons and all of it?
Trump finishes his statement by saying you do it his way and not in some dumb "reverse order" like Biden and the "woke Generals" did. We guess the generals are too busy doing critical race theory training sessions to pull out of Afghanistan correctly.
This has been a message about how to do Afghanistan, from some unemployed weenus who's bad at ramps.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter .
Wonkette is funded ALL BY LOVELY READERS. No corporate funny business here! Click below to donate.
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .
Bonespurs McNoNoRamps Explains How To Afghanistan: First You Bomb The Troops!
It makes me think of the SNL skit where Trump prank calls the "President of Zimbabwe", who says, "You cannot even walk down a flight of stairs, YOU LITTLE WHITE *BITCH*!"https://www.youtube.com/wat...
Moving out the equipment actually takes a lot of time and planning. And that is an activity that would be observed by the enemy and noted as an opportunity to take advantage. Telegraphing. But Trump knows all about telegraphing moves, because he did that when he made a one-sided ‘deal’ with the Taliban.
Let’s apply this strategy to how Trump dominates a ramp:
First, you bring out the American citizens (his captive audience is now present and observing).
Then you bring out all equipment (ramp… check! Shoes with lifts… check! Girdle to compensate leaning due to lifts in shoes… check!).
Then you bomb the bases into smithereens (make a painfully bad speech, drop mic like you didn’t, and struggle on your way down the ramp as you evacuate).
And then you bring out the military (you probably want the military’s assistance down that ramp, given how vertically disadvantaged you’ve made yourself with all those vanity accessories).