BREAKING! David Vitter Does Thing That Is Kind Of Okay

 
 In breaking news-that-shouldn’t-be-news, a Republican Senator has publicly stated that he will help constituents if they call asking for help about a federal program! Ticker-tape parade! Balloons! A spread of the finest Ritz crackers and Costco-brand cheeses in all the land! Who is this brave Republican who will seek to actually help the people who elected him? None other than our favorite baby-cosplay-with-prostitutes-having politician, David Vitter (R-Red Light)! Per Think Progress:  

QUESTION: Is your office going to help constituents who might simply want to buy insurance?

VITTER: Well,we’re helping folks in any way we cantrying to get them good information… We field calls every day in my offices in Louisianatrying to help people with individual questions and circumstances and I would encourage folks to call my office to get that guidance and help.

We are not sure whether or not the Senator is aware that diapers are not covered by Obamacare, but don’t tell him or he might change his mind.

So why is this breaking news that Congresscritters will take a break from not doing much of anything to have their staff actually help American people who maybe don’t want to get sick and go to the emergency room which costs the taxpayers lots more monies than Obamacare?

Because there are some members of Congress who are total dicks and couldn’t give two shits whether or not whiny complaining little constituents have questions about trying to get their sick kids medicine, per WaPo’s Greg Sargent:  

GOP Reps. Tim Huelskamp and Jason Chaffetz have flatly declared that they will not help constituents who call their offices looking for assistance with the law.

So when Obamacare kicks in, we assume that Tim Huelskamp and Jason Chaffetz, who will be enrolled because all Congress and their staff will be enrolled, will voluntarily give up health insurance? Probably not, because hypocrisy.

Meanwhile, others in the GOP are raising money to discourage people, particularly young people, from getting health insurance. And who says that compassionate conservatism is dead?!? Well, it would be alive, but it was too stubborn to get health insurance and died painfully in an alley by itself, crying out for someone, anyone, to just hold its hand as it gasped its last breath. Huelskamp and Chaffetz could be heard laughing in the background.

This is why the Vitter thing actually makes news. The GOP in this country has set the bar SO LOW that when a Republican admits that he will help sick constituents try to get help to NOT DIE, they get praised in the press for being reasonable.

David Vitter gets praise because he is willing to help folks in Louisiana figure out how to navigate Obamacare? Fuck that guy. The only reason he is still in office is because he was in the House of Representatives when he was boinking hookers, but now he is in the Senate. And as we all know, the House of Representatives cannot bring up ethics charges on Senators, and the Senate Ethic Committee can’t bring up charges about actions that happened before a person was a Senator, so his diaper-wearing ass gets off scott free and now he gets to do the absolute minimum possible and he is fucking reasonable?

Fuck it all, man. We here at Wonket want folks to be healthy, even war-mongering, deficit-enlarging, economy-wreaking ex-Presidents . So if you have questions about Obamacare, Health & Human Services has set up a website. And if you live in Kansas or Utah and have to deal with the asshat representatives named above, you have our sympathies. Call their damn offices anyway and ask for help. If they don’t help you, call the goddam local paper or TV news crew and make a fucking ruckus about it, because FUCK THOSE GUYS, grassroots, power to the people, we are the 99%, blah blah blah, whatever.