BREAKING: Manafort's Notes From Russian Spy Meeting Are Real And They Are SPECTACULAR

DURRRRRRRR

BREAKING ACHTUNG NEWSFLASH in what may be the dumbest, most in-your-face collusion/conspiracy/scandal of all time. NBC's Ken Dilanian reports that at Donald Trump Jr.'s Russian conspiracy meeting with the Kremlin-connected lawyer and the Russian spies, then-campaign chair Paul Manafort took a bunch of notes on his flip phone, and they said things like "RNC" and "donations." Specifically those words were really close to each other, and sources call the notes Manafort took very "cryptic." Take it away, Dilanian!

Manafort's notes, typed on a smart phone and described by one briefed source as cryptic, were turned over to the House and Senate intelligence committees and to Special Counsel Robert Mueller. They contained the words "donations," and "RNC" in close proximity, the sources said.

Dilanian notes that it would be ILLEGAL for Russia to donate to the RNC, because Russia is not America's 51st state, regardless of how Trump and Vladimir Putin feel about the subject.

If you need all the details about Trump Jr.'s Russian meeting, you are in luck, because we Wonker-splained it right here. The gist is that Donald "Unfuckable Face" Trump Junior was approached by some Russians through an intermediary, and agreed to take a meeting because they were promising super extra luxurious Russian dirt on Hillary Clinton. He was like, "Oh cool, I have never conspired with a foreign power to steal an election, my daddy will be so proud!" When they met, all the Russians (including the Russian spy "lobbyist" who just testified before Robert Mueller's grand jury) apparently started blah blah blah-ing about BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES, which, as we have learned, is code for trying to convince Americans to repeal the Magnitsky Act, which is a big step toward repealing all the sanctions against Russian oligarchs and Russian banks and, by extension, the Russian government.

Early reports of Manafort's behavior during the meeting said he was just playing with his phone the whole time. We guess we assumed he was catching Pidgeys in Pokemon GO, but NO! It sounds like he was furiously TAKING NOTES on his phone (and maybe catching the occasional Pidgey, because come on, Trump Tower is probably FULL of those fuckers). Notes that included "RNC" and "donations." Maybe the Russians were saying, "Oh here is Hillary Clinton's whitey tape, and also our hacker friend here will do a bunch more hacking to help steal the election, and just so you know we're serious, we'll also money launder some DONATIONS to the RNC. All you have to do in return is this one little favor, and it's called MURDER THE SANCTIONS."

OR MAYBE it was something else entirely! Marcy Wheeler with a theory:

Maybe so! Maybe the Russians had some dirt on dirty donations the RNC has already been receiving.

Or one other possibility, considering that the Russians were promising dirt on Hillary, and also considering the hacked DNC emails that came out soon after! Pull out your Obamaphone right now, like you were going to text message your sexxx friend. Look how close together the "R" and the "D" are. It's possible the Russians were promising dirty hacked emails -- or already had dirty hacked emails -- from the DNC and Paul Manafort was just jamming his meat fingers at the phone too fast and not paying attention to his autocorrect.

Remember the timeline here. This meeting was on June 9, 2016. On June 15, the hacker Guccifer 2.0 started releasing hacked DNC documents. Then a month and change later, WikiLeaks started dumping DNC emails.

Do you think our typo theory makes sense? Y/N?

If it's that, the quid pro quo is fucking obvious, and just more evidence that this conspiracy is YOOOOOGE. Whatever it is, these dumb fuckers are screwed.

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[ NBC ]