Breitbart's 'My Son Hunter' Looks Exactly As Terrible As You Would Expect

Possibly even moreso!

Like so many other right-wing media outlets these days, Breitbart has decided to try and get in on the movie-making business, in hopes of influencing the culture the same way liberal Hollywood does. Its debut venture My Son Hunter is directed by Robert Davi, best known as the Fratelli brother from The Goonies who sang Madama Butterfly to Chunk while trying to kidnap him, and who has been writing unintentionally hilarious articles like " No, Kevin Bacon, This Old White Guy Will Not Just Shut Up and Listen to the Radical Left " and " Would Frank Sinatra Have Been a Deplorable? " for Breitbart for several years now.

The plot, of course, centers on the Hunter Biden laptop story that many on the right are convinced would have been a deciding factor in the election had it been blasted all over social media and the news before it was even officially determined to have belonged to Hunter Biden or before it had been authenticated. In reality, it's not that interesting of a story, since literally nothing has come of any of it. A big scandal in there was supposedly that Hunter Biden provided Vadym Pozharskyi, an adviser to Ukrainian gas company Burisma that Hunter Biden served on the board of, with an opportunity to meet with his father, but there's literally no other evidence that any kind of official meeting between the two ever actually happened.

It is also not that interesting of a trailer, though like most of Davi's work for Breitbart, it is unintentionally hilarious.

 www.youtube.com 

I swear, for a second I thought the song in the background was the breakdown from Ke$ha's "TiK ToK," which would have been amazing, but it was not that. I looked up the lyrics and the only thing that came up was this movie, maybe because no actual artists would give them the right to use their songs. Yet another liberal conspiracy!

Much like the "scandal" itself, it is not entirely clear what we are supposed to be seeing in this trailer. We've got "Hunter" doing a bunch of drugs and hanging out with strippers, "Joe Biden" making gaffes like "I wanna know everything that's on that laptop that can ruin my erection," and a bunch of talk about how things need to be covered up so the American people don't find out about them.

The thing about movies the right tries to produce is that they are so bitch eating crackers about "Liberal Hollywood," so desperate to influence the culture the way they believe "Liberal Hollywood" does, that every character is either a ridiculous strawman or a Mary Sue. That, in addition to their general lack of talent, is why everything they make is so very, very terrible.

Like so many movies made by conservative outlets or Christian production companies, My Son Hunter stars a mishmash of actors who have tanked their careers by saying ignorant things.

Playing Hunter Biden is British actor Laurence Fox, star of the " Inspector Morse" spin-off "Lewis" and ex-husband of actress Billie Piper, who admitted to being radicalized by YouTube videos about "woke culture" and "political correctness" in recent years, and ended up getting dropped by his agency for saying a variety of racist and otherwise terrible things.

Playing Joe Biden is some guy named John James, who I don't know but was apparently on the old "Dynasty." I don't think he was "canceled" for anything. Maybe he's just desperate for work.

Playing a "world-weary secret service agent" is Gina Carano, who wasnot brought back for the third season of "The Mandalorian" after comparing the "plight" of Republicans in modern day America to what Jewish people faced during the Holocaust. (Nazis, in this case, being liberals who don't like them for their "political views."). Or, as some suggested, she got canned for simply being conservative. 

 According to Davi, the story is told from the perspective of a left-wing activist/stripper who gets involved with Hunter Biden.

“She meets up with Hunter Biden at a strip joint the night that Joe Biden finds out that the laptop has been discovered and there’s going to be some noise about it,” Davi says of [Emma] Gojkovic’s character.

“I take us through the journey of his relationship with her and his lifestyle. She doesn’t know who Hunter is at first and then she starts to research, and now we uncover the hidden story and it is as if the laptop explodes onto the screen,” Davi continues.

“She’s learning about the Hunter laptop scandal and a friend educates her and tells her she’s looking in the wrong spots. The mainstream media is not gonna report on this,” Davi told [Rudy] Giuliani. “So it’s an indictment of the media, it’s an indictment of culture, it’s an indictment of politics. Finally, when she has the full story — the Ukraine corruption, the Russian mafia corruption, all the deals with a spy chief from China — she tries to get a reporter to write the story. He refuses, of course. She’s frustrated, lost. Then she gets it a text from a man called Rudy Giuliani, that breaks the whole story.”

That is, of course, not how anything happened at all. However I do have to admit I am desperately curious about what a Breitbart-imagined "left-wing activist stripper" would be like, so there may be a review in our future.

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