British Politicians Rewarded With Plane Crashes, Street Fights and Dog Attacks

How's the polling going over on the crime-ridden alcoholic colony known as the British Isles? Not too good! Here are some actual news reports from Queen Elizabeth's version of CNN, "the Beeb," about how nature/fate is treating the various sods running for election today:

• Labour candidate Joe Benton "had the tip of his finger bitten off by what he claims was a pitbull terrier type dog while campaigning in his constituency." Several chavs were arrested by bobbies.

• British National Party anti-brown-people wingnutNick GriffinBob Bailey attacked a bunch of what the British call "Asians," which usually means "Pakistani guys." But first, they cussed him out and threw fruit at BNP's leader, Nick Griffin. We think. This is very confusing! So confusing that we will link toThe Sun's version of events. 

• UK Independence Party wingnut leader Nigel Farage planned to harass voters in Northamptonshire by aeroplane, which would also be dragging a banner for his wingnut party. Instead, the plane immediately crashed. Farage is alive, and the innocent pilot is said to be recovering in hospital.