Bullshitting Beats Workin': The Tony Snow Edition

* In Washington, it's hard to say that an event is the "most retarded" of any period of time, but "a battle of the bands featuring classic honky tonk and Western swing with Bob Schieffer & Honky Tonk Confidential vs. Tony Snow's classic-rock Beats Workin'" is probably going to be the most retarded event today, probably. $60 for non-members, 7: 00pm. [ NPC ]

* Their name just screams excitement, and a sneaky method of remaining at the top of your iTunes library: !!! with Holy Fuck, $18, doors at 7:30pm [ 930 ]

* Britsh author Jim Crace fantasises aloud about a post-apocalyptic America wherein everybody just wants to get back to Europe where everything is still wonderful and probably socialist and you can cancel your marriage after 7 years. Free, 7pm at Politics and Prose. [ P&P ]

* Photographer Wolfgang Tillmans gained notoriety throughout the 90s taking pictures of his friends and making abstract compositions of the effects of light on photo paper. His retrospective is up for a while and you should probably go see it even though some of his pictures are, you know, kind of gay. Free, Hirshhorn Museum through August 17. [ Hirshhorn ]