But Donald Trump Jr.'s Russian Emails! Dear LORD, His Fuckin' Russian Emails!

the dumbest thing Daddy ever spermed into existence

BREAKING HOTTEST NEWS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP JR. AND HIS SEXXXY HOTMAIL ACCOUNT! We know at this point that Russians and Russian cut-outs could not stop poking and caressing Trump campaign people in the run-up to the 2016 election. They promised Junior sexxxy Russian Hillary dirt, and they used NRA connections to try to set up secret back door meetings between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. Julian Assange was sexting Junior on Twitter, and George Papadopoulos and his mysterious Russia-adjacent spy perfesser were doing ... something!

(By the by, did you hear about Pap's fiancée's interview where she said her man was not a mere "coffee boy" for the Trump campaign, but rather that he was way high up and important, talked constantly with Steve Bannon and Michael Flynn, and that she has proof of this? Maybe Robert Mueller flipped his ass early for a reason!)

And then there is Carter Page and all his Russians. 

And then there is demon seed Erik Prince and all his Russians. (And his LIES, oh dear Jesus, his LIES. )

AND Paul Manafort. 

AND Michael Flynn. 

AND all the other ones we're too lazy to recall right now!

Well, there's more stuff to report about Russian emails, and CNN's got all the goods. First of all, it turns out somebody sent Junior, his non-email-using dad, and other Trump campaign people an encryption key for hacked WikiLeaks emails in early September 2016. You know, just in case the Trump campaign wanted to use emails hacked by Russia and published by a Russian cut-out in order to help Trump win.

Junior got the email on September 14, 2016. (Not September 4, as CNN originally reported. Is CNN being trigger-happy with the "publish" button again, or was it a typo? Oh, who knows.) As the  Washington Post  (motto: "How can we do Democracy Dies In Darkness if we're constantly having to fix CNN's and the New York Times 's fuck-ups?) explains, just one day earlier, WikiLeaks had released a whole new batch of DNC emails, and somebody wanted to make sure the Trump campaign had them.

Junior's lawyer says he didn't respond to the email, which came from "Mike Erickson," who may or may not be a real Russian/WikiLeaks staffer impersonating an American. (Junior thinks it only counts if he responded, because he's a fucking idiot.)

As CNN notes, this happened before Junior and Julian Assange started their Twitter direct message romance, two months after the hacked DNC emails came out, and a month before WikiLeaks published the John Podesta emails. And we all remember how much Donald Trump looooooved to talk about WI-CKY-LICKS on the trail during those late months of the campaign, exhorting his sister-groping followers to read up on the latest juicy Hillary Clinton gossip, as curated by the Russians.

Junior told the House Intelligence Committee he doesn't remember the email from "Mike Erickson" (if that is even his real name), but he would say that, wouldn't he? There was probably a lawyer somewhere within a half mile radius of Junior when he read the email, therefore "attorney-client privilege" says he's not 'posed to talk about it. 

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! In another CNN emails story that broke Thursday night, we learn that, despite Junior's insistence there was no follow-up after his fancy pants-y Trump Tower meeting with all the Russian spies, there was, in fact, a whole fuckload of follow-up.

Now, to be fair, these emails did not go directly to Junior. British music publicist Rob Goldstone, the cut-out who arranged the Russian meeting, did most of the emailing, and as CNN reports, he was emailing the Russian participants, and also Trump campaign bigwig Dan Scavino. These emails are super fun, if you like criminal conspiracies to steal democracy and give it to Russia. Some highlights:

• The email from Goldstone to Scavino suggesting Donald Trump make a page on VK, the (shitty) Russian version of Facebook. You know, so Trump could connect with his actual constituents! According to Goldstone, Junior's dumb nutsack was DTF with this plan, and so was Paul Manafort.

• The June 14, 2016, email from Goldstone to Russian Bruno Mars impersonator Emin Agalarov, who along with daddy Aras Agalarov got the ball rolling on the Trump Tower meeting. (Remember, these are the douchewhistles who did the 2013 Moscow Miss Universe with Trump.) It was also sent to Ike Kaveladze, the Russian spy/businessman/whatever who attended the meeting on behalf of the Agalarovs. Goldstone was just emailing to say it was "eerily weird" how news was coming out about hacked DNC emails, considering what they had been blabbering their dumb mouths about at Trump Tower just five days prior . But wait, we thought they just talked about BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES at that meeting. Huh!

• The email from George Kavaladze to his dad, Ike, just wondering , after Dipshit Junior tweeted out all his Russian emails about his Russian meeting, why Junior was admitting to "collusion" with the Russians. Golly, should we take that literally? (Yes.)

Isn't this all so weird ? Wonder what Robert Mueller thinks about it!

Based on all this new dirty creepy information coming out about Trump people colluding with Russians, there's obviously only one rational response, and GOP Senator Lindsey Graham is ON IT:

Jesus Louise-us, what the hell does Russia have on Lindsey Graham, making him act like Sean Hannity's fluffer?  

We are just asking.

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[ CNN /  ibid . / Washington Post ]