California Birthers, in Rare Moment of Consistency, Target Romney as Unnatural Unborn Uncitizen

 
 Everyone knows, correct, that Mitt Romney's dad, Ol' "Messican George" Romney, was born in Mexico because his own dad had fled the US so he could keep all his trillion wives, si, claro? Weeellll, there's a last best straw currently being grasped at by those few (a third to half of all Republicans) who claim our own Bammerz is ineligible for the presidency he has held for the past three years. And that last best straw is one that seeks to forget a good solid century of settled case law and send back to China all those members of the Yellow Peril while they're at it. Goodbye, heathen Chinee! Unfortunately, Mitt Romney is also a heathen Chinee. Friendly fire, what can you do?

 US v. Wong Kim Ark was decided in 1898, and affirmed that anyone born on US soil was a US citizen. (That's right; Chinese weren't "citizens" until a hundred years ago.) This was noteworthy because it undermined the veeeery racist Chinese Exclusion Act and was one of the few times when the intersection of race, the law and the courts didn't result in a lynching. Perhaps you studied Wong Kim Ark in graduate school? TRICK QUESTION. "College" is for snobs; "Graduate school" gets you sent straight to the camps!

Anyway, a whole pile of Bachmanns out in Californy is still suing to get Obammerz tossed in Gitmo, including a dude who is running for president hisself, as a write-in candidate -- John Albert Dummett, Jr., you guys heard of him? Sure he'll do great! Now, these good people say BO was born in Kenya (everyone knows that) but just in case he wasn't, his dad was born in Kenya, so if we just forget Wong Kim Ark (ACTIVIST JUDGES!), etc., etc., and by the way Mitt Romney is a filthy foreign also too and thus i.e. therefore ergo must also go to Gitmo. Rick Santorum's dad was born in Italy we heard? Let's be sure and "toss" him too. 
 That leaves Newt and Ron Paul, but Newt was adopted? Do we even know who Newt's father is? And nobody likes Ron Paul.

That leaves only Orly Taitz, who will be your next president. Congratulations America! Good job! [ Orange County Register ]