The Dead Guy And The Social Security (He Got Better). Tabs, Mon., March 17, 2025

Your morning news roundup of things to read, watch and listen to!

Smoochy smooch! It’s a tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Top o’ the morning, happy St. Patrick’s Day, go háirithe do na Gaeil! Did you take a news break over the weekend, and was it as refreshing as a mountain stream? Here is what you may have missed!

Dictator Day One tried to invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798 on Saturday, via a royal proclamation, to deport five Venezuelans with no due process. A district judge smacked him down with a 14-day block on that bullshit and ordered any planes in the air to turn around. But the planes landed in El Salvador anyway, and Marco Rubio re-Tweeted “oopsie, too late” with a cry-laughing emoji, because the law and human decency is a joke to them. Allowing this insanity would also let the administration put US citizens in prison too, fucking yikes! Another hearing about the order is scheduled for this Friday. (Proclamation / NPR / Just Security / Washington Post archive link)

ICE is already detaining green card holders: Not just Mahmoud Khalil, but also German-born New Hampshire resident Fabian Schmidt, who has had a green card since 2008 and was detained at Logan airport in Boston over a decade-old marijuana misdemeanor, then “violently interrogated” by ICE agents trying to get him to voluntarily give up his green card. And ICE is reportedly violating its own policies by detaining people for much longer than 12 hours, and without food for days. BAD, ALL OF THIS IS VERY BAD. (GBH/ WYPR)

No More Wars Dept.: That Man has reportedly asked the military to come up with a plan for invading Panama. And he is air-striking the Houthis in Yemen. Whaddaya know, being a dictator on day one is the only promise he has kept so far. (Common Dreams / BBC)

Dozens are dead from fire and tornadoes, and That Man went golfing. And he excitedly announced the end of the anti-money laundering law. “Exciting news! The Treasury Department has announced that they are suspending all enforcement of the outrageous and invasive Beneficial Ownership Information (BOI) reporting requirement for U.S. Citizens.” Imagine if Obama… oh, forget it. (NBC)

Rasslin’ Linda McMahon’s Education Department has launched “anti-DEI” investigations into 52 universities in 41 states, including Cornell, Yale, MIT, and NYU, on top of the 60 universities to whom it sent a letter accusing them of anti-semitic discrimination. The National Education Association and the American Federation of Teachers have both filed lawsuits, and meanwhile, the Fourth Circuit has lifted a nationwide injunction keeping the administration from enforcing the ban. Destroying universities, a classic fascist-dictator move, to go along with all the other classic fascist-dictator moves. (NPR / US DOE / AP)

Many People Are Saying that a $100 million investment in the US from the Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company is some mafia-style up-front protection payment, in earnest hope that the US won’t violate the Taiwan Relations Act that obligates the US to to provide Taiwan with the means to defend itself against an attack from China. And by “many people” we mean Trump: “Taiwan should pay us for defense. You know, we’re no different than an insurance company. Taiwan doesn’t give us anything.” Nice place you got here, sure would be a shame if something happened to it! (CNN)

Paul Clement — the Bushie-conservative lawyer that Judge Dale Ho appointed to offer arguments against the Trump administration’s motion to dismiss charges against Eric Adams — has recommended dismissal of charges with prejudice, making it so that the Trump administration will have no quo to go with their quid pro. (Slate)

A Minnesota Republican has introduced a bill to make Trump Derangement Syndrome as a recognized form of mental illness. What, you expected them to write bills to help their constituents, or something? (Bill)

The Seattle Times found one of those dead people getting Social Security, except he is alive, and DOGE just took all his money. (Seattle Times)

The US has been begging Finland for some eggs, and Finland was all like, huh? What? We don’t even have an export agreement with you kusipäät! No! (Yle)

How about some other kinds of news?

Science! A company that has raised hundreds of millions of dollars in an effort to “de-extinct” woolly mammoths has produced a very cute fluffy gene-edited mouse. (Nature)

Fashion! The US company that owns Versace has fired Donatella as creative director from her eponymous clothing line. How are you going to fire somebody from their own clothing line?! Sure hope the new designer doesn’t damage the brand by making trashy-looking clothes that are actually extremely expensive. (AP)

The arts! After JD Vance was lustily booed by mostly senior citizens at the Kennedy Center, Richard Grenell trollishly urged “diversity and inclusion.” Shit you can’t make up: One of the pieces Vance enjoyed was from Stravinsky’s “Petrushka,” which is about a love triangle between three Russian puppets. If that was a spontaneous addition by the orchestra, chef’s kiss. Mister Congeniality, whose administration has eliminated thousands of jobs, has also been grousing that protestors don’t have jobs, because everyone in this administration is a snotty little troll. (Washington Post archive link/ Alternet)

Hey, let’s all enjoy that Russian-puppet piece, without JD Vance mouth-breathing his Dorito breath behind us on a balcony!

Even when Rebecca isn’t writing Tabs, she’s still here to hound you to buy the pizzas: Detroit Public Schools is working on the assumption we’ll have budget cuts next year of between $30 and $80 million for just our district. You help me fund the girls’ Detroit public elementary school, and I help you eat delicious fucking pizza, mailed right to your door. Buy the fucking pizzas everybody. They’ll FedEx em right to your door. Pizzas. (Pizzas.) This motherfucking pizza ad will be up all month.

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