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Wonkers, someone has a sad, and it is Rick Perry. Why is he sad? Cause HE AIN'T GOT NO ICE CREAM.Â
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(We believe the credit for the above should go to @eastsidekate .)
Can you help Rick Perry, Wonkers? Hahaha, just kidding, of course you cannot. Rick Perry is beyond help, and also a picture of him has finally been snapped in which we do not want to Do It on him.
Send your creations to tips at wonkette dot com, along with some sort of subject heading that lets us know we will find inside your email a Blingeed or MS-painted picture of Rick Perry. Send them in by Monday, and Dok will choose a lucky winner for a tote bag or some shit. (The cups cost like 12 bucks to mail, fuck that.)
Can You Turn Rick Perry's Frown Upside Down?
Someone took all the marshmallows out of his Lucky Charms this morning. He may never get over it.
Rick Perry pipes up, feeling pretty great. The President just made a mistake and he's going to get to call him on it. He clears his throat, interrupting the closing statement of the President.
"Pardon me Mr. President, according to your agenda item here, there was to be a presentation. " He looks down at his paper, smirking a little. There's a second mistake! He gets to call this uppity President on two mistakes!
"Did you forget? It says here, " he taps the page. "'Aim Such A' -- oh, pardon me," savoring the moment, his smirk starting to grow, "according to this, it says 'Aima Such A Re-Tort,' by a Donna Channeau?" accentuating the words with finger quotes. He grins at the President, nodding a little.
The guy next to Obama lets out the tiniest snort. Obama blinks at Rick blankly. "Hmm? What are you saying Rick?"
&quot;<i>Aim-A Such A Re-Tort</i>? Donna Channeau?&quot;
Obama looks directly at Rick. He tilts his head and raises his eyebrow with an exaggeratedly quizzical look. He elbows the guy next to him, who has begun quivering with suppressed giggles.
Rick gets a little miffed. The President is acting like Rick is the dumb one here! &quot;Look, it says right there in your binder, on your paper, &#039;Aima&#039; Such A Re-Tort, Donna Channeau,&quot; pointing at the President with each word.
Obama finally affects a stereotype Italian voice &quot;We a-know, a-Rick, we-a are-a aware!&quot; Everyone lets out a laugh. The guy next to Obama whispers &quot;Good one!&quot;
Rick continues to stare at him. &quot;So we aren&#039;t doing this? Donna Channeau won&#039;t be covering &#039;Aima&#039; Such A ReTort?&quot;
There is a long pause. Obama smiles down at his paper. &quot;A-No. We a-won&#039;t. &quot; The guy next to him is chuckling, and the lady on the end is giggling.
Rick Perry takes a moment, then the surliest frown creeps onto his face, and stays there for the rest of the meeting.