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Canadian War Ships Block Northwest Passage From Americans
Canada's prime minister today ordered a half-dozen naval ships to protect the melting Northwest Passage from the United States, which is plotting to seize the shipping routes and oil and fish supplies being revealed by the rapid Arctic melt. Wait, what?
Have you heard about that Global Warming stuff the libtards made up? Well, it is apparently melting the Arctic ice caps so quick that the Northwest Passage -- which used to only thaw enough to allow ships a 2,500-mile shortcut between Asia and Europe for a few weeks each summer -- will soon be permanently open for oil exploration and commercial fishing and, probably, those "Sandals" all-inclusive wife-swapping beach resorts.
(Wonkette staff climate-change scientist Josh Fruhlinger claims Chinese cargo ships have been quietly using the fast-growing shortcut for the past few years without anybody's permission.)
Washington insists the Canadian territory is actually in "neutral waters," meaning Halliburton and Exxon/Mobil can immediately seize what the USGS claims could be 25% of the remaining untapped crude oil supply on the planet. So expect "shock and awe" over Toronto sometime before November 4, 2008.
But America isn't the only country trying to steal the precious melted region from Canada. Denmark, owner of nearby Greenland, also wants some.
Even though both Denmark and Canada are fellow NATO allies, their battle over a half-mile rock known as Hans Island. The AP reports:
In 1984, Denmark's minister for Greenland affairs, Tom Hoeyem, caused a stir when he flew in on a chartered helicopter, raised a Danish flag on the island, buried a bottle of brandy at the base of the flagpole and left a note saying: "Welcome to the Danish island."
The dispute flared again two years ago when former Canadian Defense Minister Bill Graham set foot on the rock while Canadian troops hoisted the Maple Leaf flag.
Denmark sent a letter of protest to Ottawa, while Canadians and Danes took out competing Google ads, each proclaiming sovereignty over the rock 680 miles south of the North Pole.
Some Canadians even called for a boycott of Danish pastries.
Google ads and pastry boycotts: ample proof that this dispute needs some good old fashioned $400-billion American military occupation/sex torture action.