Cartoon Violence Is A Nancy Boy

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today's Cartoons. 

Hey America! Do you have First 100 Hours Of The Democratic-Controlled CongressFever?We here at Cartoon Violence sure do! It's not because of the exciting legislative agenda the Dems have planned for us (Gawker Media will be paying us less than minimum wage no matter what happens in D.C.), but rather due to the extensive showcasing of the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Unlike Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a boring-looking old hatchet-faced white guy in a city full of them, our gal Nancy is eminently caricaturable, for one reason or another (*cough* face lift *cough*). In this, she follows proudly in the footsteps of the shambling Dennis Hastert, the pig-faced Newt Gingrich, and the embarrassing ethnic stereotype Tip O'Neill, in accordance with James Madison's firm belief, expressed during the 1787 Constitutional Convention, that the Speaker of the House should be "amusing to the Eye ... and easily lampoon'd if drawn with Ink on Paper, for the amusement of the lower Classes."

Anyway, with a new face in charge, America's political cartoonists have been falling all over themselves to make fun of it. This week, we assess the funny drawings, and the meaningbehindthe funny drawings, then make fun of the funny drawings some more.

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: Flat-faced, Michael Jackson-esque.

Overt message: Nancy Pelosi is so soft that she thinks that hugging is the key to defeating terrorism, and so inept that she asks for hugs while forcibly preventing said hugs from happening.

Hidden agenda: Nancy Pelosi will traumatize innocent members of the Mahdi Army by touching them inappropriately after giving them "Jesus juice."

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: Cross-eyed, buck-toothed.

Overt message: Instead of accepting a symbolic deposit of symbolic troops, Nancy Pelosi wants the Command in Chief to throw those symbolic troops out a symbolic window.

Hidden agenda: Like Tojo and Hirohito, Nancy Pelosi is a sinister World War II-era Asiatic who seeks to destroy us.

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: Pin-headed, bludgeon-happy.

Overt message: Pelosi will wield the Speakership like a blunt instrument, and woe to anyone who gets in her way -- especially the President.

Hidden agenda: The 110th Congress, pandering to its core constituency of elitist pop culture loving hipster, will be dominated by cartoonish sound effects out of the Adam WestBatmanseries.

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: Skeletal, wraith-like.

Overt message: Nancy Pelosi leads a band of eager new Congresspersons who perhaps still lack stature and experience.

Hidden agenda: Do not anger the gavel-armed Dementor; it will unleash a horde of ravenous dwarves who will devour your flesh.

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: God-hating, wider than you'd think.

Overt message: Choosing the sacred text of your own religion to swear an oath on is pretty much the same thing as swearing one on an album from a shitty country band.

Hidden agenda: God damn it, this is the shape that I draw politicians, and I don't care if the new one is a skinny lady. I already gave her pearls and a mauve suit, what do you people want from me.

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: Eerily like therecently modernized Betty Crocker .

Overt message: Pelosi's stated aim is to clean up Congress, but she might face just as much resistance from her own money-freezing, beer-swilling, big-gutted party as from the polka-dotted-boxer-shorted opposition.

Hidden agenda: Aw, it's fun to sit around in your undies drinkin' a brewski and watchin' the big game, but then the old lady comes home and ruins it for everybody! But what're ya gonna do, am I right fellas! It's like we're from Mars and they're from Venus! Haw haw!

 
 This version of Pelosi in a nutshell: Rictus-faced, Nurse Ratched-y

Overt message: Nancy Pelosi wants to insert her index finger into your rectum.

Hidden agenda: There is no hidden agenda. Pelosi's penchant for digital sodomy is well-known in political circles. --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON