Cartoon Violence's Election Fever: Cured!

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today's Cartoons. 

Hey, everybody! Who wants to hear more about themid-term elections?

Anyone?

Hello?

Fine. Fine.Bethat way. We won't feature any midterm-themed comics this week. Well, except for this one, because it features a canine-representation of Nancy Pelosi urinating on the Capitol, and I think it's supposed to besympathetictowards her:

 
 OK, that's it! Lots more talk to talk about: OJ, dorky jean jackets, and big black cocks. We'll save our search for the most unflattering Pelosi caricature for next week, and the first cartoons about the 2008 presidential election for the week after that.

 
 Proposed title: "Catholic priests: Hate gays, love wearing doilies."

Intriguing elements: The panoply of things protruding out of the sides of the gay-enclosing door: a hand, a nose, a tie, and ponytail...

We object to: Our doily-clad priest's interlocutor appears to have no hands for some reason. Not that we have anything against no-handed Americans going to Mass, but his noble handlessness is distracting us from the gay-hating.

 
 Proposed title: "A bad person in the news reminded me of two other bad people in the news, so I put them all in a cartoon together."

Intriguing element: Saddam's single squinty eye ('cause he's all crazy and wacky now, you see!) and Jacko's single epaulet ('cause he'salwaysbeen crazy and wacky, you see!).

We object to: The apparently proposed moral equivalence: Child's innocence = two dead Americans = thousands and thousands of swarthy foreigners.

 
 Proposed title: "When are black people going to get over racism, already? Gosh!"

Intriguing element: Our black protagonist seems to be in a pretty pleasant mood for someone reading a book about centuries of oppression of his people.

We object to: The idea that the people who are most optimistic about the end of a problem are the people who were least harmed by that problem in the first place.

 
 Proposed title: "Robert Gates wears a bunch of whimsical buttons on his suit, like the kind you had on your jean jacket in high school, you big dork."

Intriguing element: The juxtaposition of "Soviet Crisis '89" and "Bush '41" makes it seem that this refers not his service with our 41st president, but rather that he was hanging out with George H.W. Bush in1941,and doing exciting things like joining the military to fight the Japanese in daring air combat above the Pacific. In the interest of accuracy, we need to point out that what Robert Gates was actually doing in 1941 was not being born for another two years.

We object to: Jesus Christ, if you're going to put a bunch of buttons a guy and call it a political cartoon, the least you can do is hand-write the text.

 
 Proposed title: "California: America's big black cock."

Intriguing element: Well, for one thing, it's a map of the United States, with California much larger than it actually is and colored black, and it's labeled "The State of the Union." Only that isn't so much "intriguing" as it is "baffling."

We object to: The great state of Maryland is unconscionably combined with West Virginia, Delaware, and New Jersey. Also, it doesn't makea damn bit of fucking sense.-- THE COMICS CURMUDGEON