Chuck Grassley To End Child Obesity By Ending Labor Laws For Fat Kids

 Oh, goody! Senator Chuck Grassley has become the latest Republican non-healing ulcer to air his word salad "ideas" on child labor. With the help of palletfuls of billion dollar bills from unwitting taxpayers, Grassley's state of Iowa and its high-fructose corn syrup fields have been enfluffening America's children for the past thirty years. But times have changed (recession, increasingly senile lawmakers, the end of decency, et cetera), and now Grassley wants these morbidly obese youths to shed weight by allowing them to work our nation's farms without the feds whining and bitching about deadly pesticides and crippling machinery! CHILDHOOD OBESITY EPIDEMIC SOLVED!!!

Grassley proposed this highly awesome solution to America's fat baby problem at one of those terrible town hall things people apparently still attend:  

Concern was raised about the proposed Department of Labor’s intent to greatly limit child labor on family farms.

“This farm bill will greatly affect our FFA and 4-H programs,” said Grassley. “Kids won’t be able to help on farms not owned by their parents.

“It’s interesting that this child labor bill goes against Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity initiative,” said Grassley. “How can kids be active if they are limited by this law?"

Yeah, Michelle Obama! There is literally no other way for children to be active, if not at the business end of a spike harrow. And why should only very, very urban childrenbe allowed to maintain our nation's crumbling infrastructure? Janitorialism for some, draft animalhood for the rest! [Think Progress]