There's A Pube On Clarence Thomas's Integrity (Again)

Pfffft, Judge Pubes doesn't even LIKE yachtfucking with billionaires in Indonesia anyway, he likes Walmart parking lots.

Conscientious Americans who pay attention to the news know Clarence Thomas is probably the most corrupt and unethical piece of ass lint who ever sat on a Supreme Court throne and stank it up with his linty assfarts. And his wife? Fuuuuuuuuck that crazy batshit nutcase who's on every "OK Boomer" right-wing chain email thread in high-powered Republican Washington.

Did she help behind the scenes in Donald Trump's January 6 Insurrection Attack, and did she bring a crock pot full of Ro-Tel to any planning parties? And how much whispering does she do with her husband when the issues she's doing activism on are ALSO in front of him on the entirely illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court?

But sure, let's pretend Clarence Thomas and Ginni Thomas don't have any ethical issues. They just are a high-powered married Republican couple who happen to both be literal actual fucking monsters. And don't you dare say Ginni Thomas's power may be somewhat derived from the fact that her husband is Clarence Thomas, STOP IT YOU SEXIST. 

NO IMPROPRIETIES, NO IMPROPRIETIES, YOU ARE THE IMPROPRIETIES!

But anyway, about that ProPublica piece about Clarence Thomas letting a Republican billionaire megadonor take him on mega-luxury yachting suck 'n' fucks around the globe for the past 20 years, without reporting any of these mega-trips as "gifts." Hoo boy! (Obviously we use the term "yachting suck 'n' fucks" in its more proverbial sense. We don't know if anybody literally sucked and fucked on any of those trips, one of which would have cost the justice over $500,000 had he paid for it himself.)

The billionaire megadonor's name is Harlan Crow, and he is a real estate mogul dude from Texas. Clarence Thomas gets to take rides on Harlan's 162-foot superyacht. (Does Clarence Thomas ever say "Harlan, there's a pube on your super-yacht?" Don't know, ProPublica apparently doesn't even know which journalism questions to ask.) Clarence Thomas goes flying on Harlan's private Bombardier Global 5000 jet. ("Harlan, there's a pube on your Bombardier Global 5000 jet!" Has Thomas ever exclaimed that? Probably won't ever know.)

Yachting around Indonesia for nine days in 2019. A river trip in Savannah, Georgia. Another cruise in New Zealand around 10 years ago. And more!

There are so many pictures:  

“4/ In June 2019, Thomas boarded Crow's private jet to Indonesia for 9 days of island-hopping on Crow's yacht. Had Thomas chartered the jet and yacht himself, it could have cost him over $500K.”

— ProPublica (@ProPublica) 1680778197 

 ProPublica says Clarence goes all kinds of other fun places with Harlan, like the "all-male retreat" of Bohemian Grove in California. Also all Harlan's houses and resorts.

“7/ The justice has gone with Crow to the Bohemian Grove, the exclusive California all-male retreat, and to Crow’s sprawling Texas ranch. Every summer, Thomas typically spends about a week at Camp Topridge, Crow’s private resort in the Adirondacks.”

— ProPublica (@ProPublica) 1680778197 

And Clarence doesn't report any of this as "gift." He used to report this as "gift." But then the LA Times wrote about it and he all of a sudden stopped reporting it as "gift"! 

Look, it is a paint-by-numbers portrait of Clarence Thomas sitting with all his friends at Harlan's place in the Adirondacks. Just Clarence, Harlan, Leonard Leo, the POS who runs the Federalist Society. (You know, where the 30-year-old white fascist partisan hack judges come from!)

“8/ Inside Topridge hangs a photorealistic painting of one of Thomas' visits to the 105-acre property in remote upstate NY. The painting shows Thomas enjoying a cigar alongside Crow and chatting with other conservative power brokers like Leonard Leo: ”

— ProPublica (@ProPublica) 1680778197 

"There's a pube on our integrity!" That would be a good name for that painting. Also, just emphasizing that that is literally a painting that exists.

 The ProPublica Twitter thread we're using as the CliffsNotes for this — you know damn well ProPublica's articles are 100,000 words long before you even get out of the prologue — notes that Clarence 'n' Harlan really are buddies, genuine-style, but these trips put him in contact with the biggest of the Republican bigwigs from corporations and think tanks. (See above.) Far be it from us to suggest that any of those men tell Clarence what to do, because again, we're willing to allow for the possibility that he too is just an evil monster just like them. We're not going to say they don't do that, though.

It sounds like a nice private resort, the one that Harlan has and Clarence gets to go to without reporting it.

“10/ At Crow’s invitation-only resort, guests enjoy boathouses, a clay tennis court, batting cage, a replica of Hagrid's hut from Harry Potter, bronze statues of gnomes & milkshakes at a 1950s-style soda fountain. For free. Rooms at a nearby resort start at more than $2K/night.”

— ProPublica (@ProPublica) 1680778197 

We're just going to give you a moment to reflect on the man who Clarence Thomas is, sitting at a "1950's-style soda fountain" with all his white fascist friends. Just let that mental image linger for a minute.

Anyway!

 Here is a clip a lot of people are loving right now because it's such a hilarious illustration of how hard Clarence Thomas should go fuck himself. It's Thomas in a recent documentary talking about how he doesn't even like traveling abroad, such a simple man is he. He is a salt-of-the-earth guy. He is a rural America guy. He is a guy who likes parking the RV in the Walmart parking lot. (If you are not initiated in RV culture, the Walmart parking lot is a thing with them. Walmart encourages them to just to come on in and park when they need to, and RV people all know this. The editrix of this site and her husband and their kids have done it many times and thought "boy what a smart thing to do Walmart," not even being shitty and ironic. Like we said, it is a thing.)

“2/ Thomas has publicly presented himself as an everyman with modest tastes. In this documentary about the justice, he waxes nostalgic about his fondness for Walmart parking lots: ”

— ProPublica (@ProPublica) 1680778197 

Who NEEDS free trips on gabillion dollar yachts with Republican bigwigs who definitely have a stake in how Clarence Thomas votes? Not Clarence Thomas! “I prefer the RV parks. I prefer the Walmart parking lots to the beaches and things like that.”

We bet.

But he sure doesn't seem to hate those sexy yachtfucker trips. And for some reason, again, he feels a need to hide them. ProPublica had to learn about all this shit from yacht employees and a scuba diving instructor.

Of course, hiding these free trips is against the fucking law. 

“14/ His failure to report the flights appears to violate a federal disclosure law passed after Watergate, according to experts. By accepting the trips, Thomas has broken long-standing norms for judges’ conduct, ethics experts and four current or retired federal judges said.”

— ProPublica (@ProPublica) 1680778315 

Harlan Crow of course swears to Jesus that he ain't never tried to make poor Clarence do nothin' improper. He just loves sharing his yacht and plane with Clarence 'n' Ginni. Clarence Thomas didn't deem these revelations to be worthy of a response. But ProPublica got comments from former federal judges like "It's incomprehensible that someone would do this."

Anyway, if you read the whole story, there are tons more little details that will make your jaw drop. Like this one, a picture of Clarence Thomas swearing in Trump-appointed Fifth Circuit Judge James Ho in Harlan's library, and it looks like maybe Harlan flew Clarence there, and Ted Cruz tweeted this out, and good God this is all so incestuous:

“A detail from our story today: Ted Cruz tweeted this photo of Clarence Thomas swearing in 5th Circuit Judge James Ho. Turns out this is in billionaire Harlan Crow's private library, and flight records show Crow's jet dispatched to DC and back to Dallas before + after this event”

— Justin Elliott (@Justin Elliott) 1680788811 

Read the entire ProPublica piece when you have time, like maybe when you are summering on YOUR yacht and you're waiting for your new butler to bring you your mid-afternoon fruity drink. (You threw your old butler overboard for failing to cut your lime the way you like. It happens, AMIRITE, JUSTICE THOMAS?)

(We don't mean to imply that Clarence Thomas threw a specific butler overboard into the ocean for failing to cut a lime the way he likes. We are just talking shit.)

Now, in a sane and functional country, Clarence Thomas would be packing up his office and getting the fuck out right now, to save himself the humiliation of being impeached and forcibly removed from the Supreme Court. (Haha, in a sane and functional country, an unqualified right-wing hack like Clarence Thomas would never have been confirmed.)

And Senate Democrats do say they're gonna do something.

Unfortunately, that's as far as it's likely to go, because an unprincipled power-hungry Republican slut named Kevin McCarthy runs the House of Representatives right now. But it's not just that. Click on this thread and read the whole thing to see why:

“I think that may have the problem exactly backwards: Congress' failure to address the problems with the Supreme Court is what has led to a collapse in public trust. Addressing that corruption will be painful, but necessary.”

— Max Burns (@Max Burns) 1680802988 

"One Democratic House member" told Democratic strategist Max Burns that "Public trust in SC is already bad. A big circus would destroy it completely."

Fuck OFF.

The Court is fully 1,000 percent illegitimate right now, a fascist activist partisan hack organ that only exists to impose the will of a rapidly dying minority of white supremacist Boomers on the rest of us who will have to live in this country once they're all rotting corpses. Donald Trump and his loyal Republican string-pullers made sure of that. The only place the Supreme Court's integrity can go is up.

If the Court is ever to be legitimate again, Thomas should either resign or be pushed out, and Joe Biden should get to select his replacement. And since Trump was an illegitimate president who likely wouldn't have "won" the 2016 election had it not been for his own crimes, the crimes of Russia and whatever was happening at the FBI at the time, and who then incited a terrorist attack as part of his plan to overthrow the government and overturn the 2020 election, his justices should be told gently but firmly to GTFO.

Then pack the Court with only the most brilliant legal minds in America who also happen to be drag queens, trans folks, racial minorities and people who started drinking Bud Light this week.

It is the only way.

[ ProPublica ]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here 

And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post! 

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .