Congress Rebuffs Clear Midterm Mandate To Give America More Four Loko, Not Less
The Food and Drug Administration is preparing to ban caffeinated alcohol drinks, Sen. Charles Schumer said Tuesday. In response, one leading manufacturer of these drinks announced that it will remove caffiene and other ingredients from its product.
Schumer may think he is safe with his new six-year term, but he is not. On November 2, this country sent a clear message: FIVE, SIX, OR MAYBE EVEN EIGHT LOKO, not zero . America will drag him out of that Capitol and dissolve him alive in a vat of bootlegged Four Loko.
Oh well, guess we will have to drown our sorrows that alcohol and caffeine will never mix with rum-and-Cokes or, say, vodka-Red Bulls. THERE IS AN AMENDMENT AGAINST THIS SORT OF GOVERNMENT ACTION, SCHUMER. [ CNN ]
HA! what could possibly go wrong here:
The name "Four" is derived from its four main ingredients: alcohol, caffeine, taurine, and guarana. It also contains carbonated water, sugar, and natural and artificial flavoring.
In 2008, Phusion Projects began selling their products in Europe. The European version of Four MaXed is sold in 8.3–oz. (250mL) glass bottles and is spirit-based; the United States version has a malt liquor base.
Bring back Crystal Pepsi!