Daily Caller Guy Pretty Sure He's Norman Mailer Now (Updated)

[UPDATED: See end of post.] Camel-faced whine-jockey Patrick Howley has written a hilarious screed over at the Daily Caller that really has to be read to be believed. The object of his affection is Ryan Reilly, the HuffPo reporter who was detained and assaulted by cops in Ferguson the other day for the crime of charging his cellphone. Reilly was interviewed by HuffPost Live over the incident and towards the end became slightly emotional. Which is all Mean Girl Howley needed to pounce.

There’s no reason to even bring up the Ferguson situation here because this fake reporter had no interest in Ferguson.

That's rich, calling Reilly a “fake reporter.” Pat, tell us again which of you was in Ferguson covering the protests up close and which of you was back in his cubicle in Washington masturbating to German scheisse videos to keep the self-loathing at bay?

There’s an idea in journalism now that if you can’t break a story (and no, like America, I haven’t seen the “J. Reilly” byline on anything before this) then pull a stunt instead.

Pat, we know you must have seen Ryan’s byline because he has written about you before, and you cried about it on Twitter. Remember? When you were being a huge misogynist dick to another reporter and the entire planet got so mad at you that you briefly deleted your Twitter account and had to apologize? Shoot, even your boss Tucker Carlson apologized for it. So yeah, we think you’ve seen Ryan’s byline.

As for a reporter pulling a stunt because he couldn’t break a story, that’s pretty rich coming from the guy who did this. You remember that, right? The story that the American Spectator had to pull down from its website because it was more unimaginative fraternity prank than journalism?

At this point we’re thinking Pat more than lacks self-awareness. We think there is a yawning abyssal canyon in his brain where a better person’s self-awareness would be.

But in today’s liberal online journalism, the kids writing for mass consumption have about as much in common with Norman Mailer as, well…for one thing, they’re not nearly as smart and they’ve probably never even heard of Norman Mailer.

We’ve heard of Norman Mailer. Great writer. Shitty human being. Norman Mailer would have eaten Patrick Howley for breakfast, flossed with his intestines, crapped him out and repeated the process. When Norman Mailer feuded with you, that was a feud. If Norman Mailer headbutted Pat, we suspect he would go down in a heap, probably regaining consciousness sometime around next Christmas. In any case, Pat, neither you nor Mr. Reilly has earned the right to a literary feud like Mailer versus Vidal.

These are the whiny brats who are trying to foist “Speech Codes” on our country so that nobody can be allowed to say anything politically incorrect. These are the snot-nosed paste-eaters who have taken a news business that used to be about reporting the news and turned it into a shrill, pitiful social-media activism exercise to fill the headlines with idiotic charges of cultural insensitivity…

Yeah, we should really go back to that time when anyone could just ogle the big old honkers on some broad without her getting all offended, and gays were just a bunch of cross-dressing hedonists hitting every glory hole between Dupont Circle and the suburbs, and journalists were men who didn’t publicly abase themselves by whining about their pathetic love lives to their own organization’s pathetic gossip columnist.

We would write more about this but we need to go take a GI shower. 

UPDATE: The world's most embarrassing gossip columnist today has brought us the gift of a recent photo of Patrick Howley before a performance in the theatrical production of Boogie Nights: The Musical. Reports that Pat plays the part of an anonymous Hollywood street kid who mops up sets after Dirk Diggler is done with them could not be confirmed.

[ Daily Caller ]