Teaching art and how to do art is a very complicated subject. I claim some expertise in this area because I am an artist myself whose (now deceased) soulmate was once an art teacher in a public school. Any aspiring art teacher needs to include the following essential course requirements into their training.
FIRST: Novice art teachers MUST master TEACHERS LOUNGE POLITICS 101. This foundational course provides the novice art teacher all the skills needed to deflect the contempt and sneers of the self-styled "real teachers" who consider the art teacher a baby sitter whose sole function is to provide break time for the "reality based instructors". 4 credit hours. M, W, F 7am
SECOND: The aspiring art teacher will have to complete ART ROOM BUDGET PRESERVATION 210. This course prepares the art teacher to repel constant encroachments from school administrators, principals, PTA and other teachers attempting to divert budgeted funds from the art room supply budget and even the art teachers own budgeted salary. This course requires the student bring their own sword, shield and body armor. 4 credit hours T, Th 3pm -6 pm Meets behind the PE building.
In recent years new political developments have made it necessary for new art teachers to start taking IMPOLITE WAYS TO TELL PEOPLE TO FUCK OFF 320. This course provides the art teacher with the skills needed to deal with Moms For Liberty, Proud Boys, book burners and other assorted know-nothing loudmouths who assert that they know "all about the corrupting influence of art" and wish to turn the art room into a storage closet. Topics WILL include a complete set of vulgar rejoinders to any statement that begins with "I may not know much about art BUT..." This course is taught by Professor Wonkette through a dedicated distance learning connection. 16 credit hours. Meets every single day until the moment the sun overhead turns cold and dead.
I applaud the detailed exposition of conflict resolution tactics you have provided here to deal with a difficult co-worker.
I would like to add one more skill to the list if I may; a skill that enables a person to more fully utilize the skills you have provided; a skill that PAVES THE WAY for successful conflict resolution; a skill that is especially suited to our modern world of climate controlled high rise office spaces in sky scraping glass towers.
With bitter grumpy people of this sort I have found that a guided meditation often settles the emotional reaction process down so that a person can more fully implement the tactics you have outlined here.
I have found that what works for me is a guided meditation where I first settle down and visualize my inner safe space on the top floor of the work place office building. The taller the building the better. There I visualize a chance meeting with the recalcitrant grump in one of the elevator lobbies. Then I visualize one of the elevator doors opening to reveal an empty elevator shaft.
At this point I will leave it to the rest of you to create your own conclusion to this guided meditation. I believe that every person should take responsibility and be the agent of change this visualization is intended to bring about.
One thing I resent retroactively about my public schooling was our art classes. The instructor was nice enough, and he regularly taught us new and interesting techniques. Rubbings! Lino cut printing! Transferring colour photos from magazines with turpentine! Carving...slabs of plaster & something made by filling milk cartons?
But he never actually taught us art. How to draw, or sketch. Perspective, colour theory, anything that could make our art better. We were told to do it, but never taught how.
I learned an important lesson from one of the first jobs I ever had--never validate or accept someone disrespecting you that is not on a higher plane relative to you. And make clear by your actions that you reject any attempt on their part to exert authority over you.
I was indirectly responsible for three different people--at two different employers--being tossed onto the street because of shady circumstances that I insinuated to other management types (which the guilty were among) as routine questions of everyday business.
My Boss, the Purchasing/Inventory Manager:
"Where is this $1,200 Subwoofer we show being in stock but is nowhere to be found?"
Me, in charge of the aftermarket automobile A/V section that I'd made clear I wanted no part of without a substantial change in my compensation.
"Glad you asked, I did some research. Jimmy Shithead (who'd been the company VP and been run off because of shit fuckery related to the other half of the business--remanufacturing of Electric Control Modules, Instrument clusters and Car Radio/CD Players) had the unit installed in his daughter's car without actually paying for it." I also pointed fingers at the CSM that got her bounced.
Not another word was ever mentioned about it, except when I blurted out his name in spite.
Different job, different circumstance--Accounts Payable Clerk who was seemingly on top of everything goes on an emergency medical leave--legitimately.
While she's out, I'm confronted with a situation, as the purchasing clerk, that is a problem. Of a lengthy provenance.
The owners of the company are paranoid scrupulous about paying bills on time, in full.
I bring the issue up to the Comptroller/CFO. A silent fire alarm situation follows.
The AP clerk--who was a longtime employee AND married to the CSM--is quietly "retired".
"In most cases, a pleasantly incompetent coworker may be coached to do better, or moved to a position where they can succeed."
Said position where they can succeed is almost ALWAYS management. The new "fail upward" mentality is prevalent pretty much everywhere. The less competent one is, the MORE likely they'll be in charge of others, who will exponentiate said incompetence.
I was once a young and idealistic monster, full of hope and ideas about how I could improve things for my fellow workers. My first leadership position drained all that idealism away and made me the cynical monster I am today.
I had not one, but two coworkers who hated everything. Everything about the way we did anything was terrible. Any ideas on how to improve things were also terrible and a waste of time. I mean it. They hated everyone and everybody, including each other. Meetings were a nightmare.
One bitter lesson I learned throughout my 30+ years in the working world is that, despite what numerous sitcoms have told you, your coworkers are not your friends. Never assume that anything you say in confidence will remain in confidence. No matter how nice they are to your face, don’t ever think they won’t stab in you in the back the second they get a chance.
Oh, Monster. I so badly want to tell you that your cynicism is not accurate - but I can't. Maybe I'm just getting old. But it's still important to find things at work that can inspire you - so you can tell these bitter motherfuckers to FOADIAF.
I like this column. I like it alot. I need advice about a ton of shit, but I need to get my act together so I can ask for it properly. I love my therapist, who is very smart and very kind, but he is an old man and I put on my best face for him because there's stuff he cannot handle at all. I don't want to stress him out. I'll be back.
I would encourage you to consider finding a different therapist. If you can’t be candid and authentic with him, he’s not likely to be able to help you much, which you pointed out. You’re not paying him for HIS health and well-being, you’re paying him for yours, so if there is stuff you’d benefit from professional help with, you should get it from the professional working with you. You can talk with your friends and loved ones for advice; a therapist should be the one you get healthcare from for what truly ails you. There’s something called the “therapeutic alliance” which is the name for the working relationship between a mental healthcare provider and the client. It’s about both parties working together in treating the illness or disorder, rather than one the old-fashioned doctor-patient relationship where one person passively is treated by the other. It is based on a good fit between the provider’s particular training/expertise and therapeutic approach (there are all sorts of types of therapy, to suit all types of mental health concerns) and your unique situation, and also the person-to-person chemistry between personalities. If either of those aren’t a good fit for you, then a different provider might be in order, OR talk to your therapist about your reluctance to be honest with him and see if you can create a better treatment plan together. He might be able to handle more than you give him credit for, or he might not, and in that case, he’s not the right therapist for you. But either way, you aren’t holding up your side of the alliance if you’re withholding the information he needs to do his work properly, and you’re the one who hired him to do it!
I am giving you unsolicited advice, and I hope you don’t feel chastised because I really don’t mean to criticize you. Mental health is complicated, and asking for help is seriously difficult. But seriously, therapy is too expensive and time consuming to spend it acting like you’re fine when you’re not, and he can only help with what he knows about. You’re treating him more like a hired friend than a healthcare provider.
And i want to encourage you, because getting good mental healthcare is so important, and getting established with a new provider is definitely a pain the ass, but it is worth it. Lots of people who have tried therapy and not benefitted from it didn’t have a good therapeutic alliance, and didn’t know that that one person’s approach and expertise is only one of scores of different options, and don’t know how to find someone who is a better fit. It’s hard! Society’s stereotype of therapy is all that most people know, and it’s a super narrow and unrepresentative stereotype! Therapy is also not just getting advice - there are techniques, strategies, and procedures that address various concerns differently than how our friends and loved ones would. Please release yourself from the mistaken belief that you must ask for help properly before you deserve it, and please consider seeking better mental healthcare than you’re getting now. You’re worth it.
Look for a better fit using the Psychology Today’s provider search tool, which tells you all about a therapist’s qualifications, specializations, and treatment approaches. And good luck!
Thank you for taking so much time to respond to me. This is excellent advice, and I don't feel chastised at all. I am finding this process to be very, very hard, and I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for from it. I do have a difficult time perceiving therapy as healthcare, thanks to an old fashioned mindset. It's awkward for me. Thank you again. You have given me much to not just think about, but to act on.
I must concur, I had a therapist during the worst time in my life and she was a lifesaver. I had total trust and there was nothing I was afraid to tell her. I was so lucky, because I have met people who did not find the right person. Don't be afraid to find someone else. You should never worry about how your therapist will react to what you say. It is literally their job to give you a safe space and guide you to a place where you can accept who you are warts and all, with love
We had a delightful but incompetent marketing director, who left to care for her elderly parents. She was replaced by a reasonably withit guy, but who was FUCKING PSYCHOPATH (some may recall the many Posts of Despair here in the non-comments). Give me incompetent charm any fucking day of the week. Incompetence can be trained. Don't-be-alone-in-the-building-with-this-guy cannot.
There was an asshole at my last job very similar to what is described here. She was a bully, too. A few people quit working there because of her. Guess where she is now? Promoted to head the department.
I don't remember EVER using coloring books in elementary school, not even in kindergarten. In kindergarten we did a lot of finger painting and crafty art projects. For example, they gave us some molding clay to design an Xmas tree ornament, and I made a church that looked like the church we went to, then before it was baked the teacher inserted a wire hook at the top so it would hang from the tree. My parents hung that on our family tree for the next 20 years. We also got one section of a cardboard egg carton which we decorated with paint and glitter, and then the teacher inserted a long string so it could also be an Xmas tree ornament. We hung that on the tree for the next 20 years too. We were also given a paper milk carton (no glass bottles in those days) and we had to paint it to look like our house and write our home address on it with paint. It was a tricky way of making sure we knew our home address.
I actually still have the folder of my school art work which my mother kept for 30 years. There are no coloring book pictures.
In 4th grade we did this cool mosaic project where we cut long, 1/4" wide strips out of different colored papers, rolled them up tightly until they were about the diameter of a pencil, and then glued them onto paper as if they were pieces of mosaic to make a 3-D picture. That was a lot of fun.
I vividly remember that the first crayon that got used up was the "Sky Blue" crayon, because we used it a lot. Crayola wasn't smart ... they should have included 2 or more "Sly Blue" crayons.
Teaching art and how to do art is a very complicated subject. I claim some expertise in this area because I am an artist myself whose (now deceased) soulmate was once an art teacher in a public school. Any aspiring art teacher needs to include the following essential course requirements into their training.
FIRST: Novice art teachers MUST master TEACHERS LOUNGE POLITICS 101. This foundational course provides the novice art teacher all the skills needed to deflect the contempt and sneers of the self-styled "real teachers" who consider the art teacher a baby sitter whose sole function is to provide break time for the "reality based instructors". 4 credit hours. M, W, F 7am
SECOND: The aspiring art teacher will have to complete ART ROOM BUDGET PRESERVATION 210. This course prepares the art teacher to repel constant encroachments from school administrators, principals, PTA and other teachers attempting to divert budgeted funds from the art room supply budget and even the art teachers own budgeted salary. This course requires the student bring their own sword, shield and body armor. 4 credit hours T, Th 3pm -6 pm Meets behind the PE building.
In recent years new political developments have made it necessary for new art teachers to start taking IMPOLITE WAYS TO TELL PEOPLE TO FUCK OFF 320. This course provides the art teacher with the skills needed to deal with Moms For Liberty, Proud Boys, book burners and other assorted know-nothing loudmouths who assert that they know "all about the corrupting influence of art" and wish to turn the art room into a storage closet. Topics WILL include a complete set of vulgar rejoinders to any statement that begins with "I may not know much about art BUT..." This course is taught by Professor Wonkette through a dedicated distance learning connection. 16 credit hours. Meets every single day until the moment the sun overhead turns cold and dead.
"You can’t fix bitter, milady."
So true.
I applaud the detailed exposition of conflict resolution tactics you have provided here to deal with a difficult co-worker.
I would like to add one more skill to the list if I may; a skill that enables a person to more fully utilize the skills you have provided; a skill that PAVES THE WAY for successful conflict resolution; a skill that is especially suited to our modern world of climate controlled high rise office spaces in sky scraping glass towers.
With bitter grumpy people of this sort I have found that a guided meditation often settles the emotional reaction process down so that a person can more fully implement the tactics you have outlined here.
I have found that what works for me is a guided meditation where I first settle down and visualize my inner safe space on the top floor of the work place office building. The taller the building the better. There I visualize a chance meeting with the recalcitrant grump in one of the elevator lobbies. Then I visualize one of the elevator doors opening to reveal an empty elevator shaft.
At this point I will leave it to the rest of you to create your own conclusion to this guided meditation. I believe that every person should take responsibility and be the agent of change this visualization is intended to bring about.
Peace out all y'all!
yrs,
Ms. Molly McGuire
Haunting The Coal Mines of Pennsylvania
One thing I resent retroactively about my public schooling was our art classes. The instructor was nice enough, and he regularly taught us new and interesting techniques. Rubbings! Lino cut printing! Transferring colour photos from magazines with turpentine! Carving...slabs of plaster & something made by filling milk cartons?
But he never actually taught us art. How to draw, or sketch. Perspective, colour theory, anything that could make our art better. We were told to do it, but never taught how.
Same as phys ed, come to think of it.
That does not sound like an art teacher to me. Or rather, he sounds like the "art" "teacher" at a crappy Christian school.
I learned an important lesson from one of the first jobs I ever had--never validate or accept someone disrespecting you that is not on a higher plane relative to you. And make clear by your actions that you reject any attempt on their part to exert authority over you.
I was indirectly responsible for three different people--at two different employers--being tossed onto the street because of shady circumstances that I insinuated to other management types (which the guilty were among) as routine questions of everyday business.
My Boss, the Purchasing/Inventory Manager:
"Where is this $1,200 Subwoofer we show being in stock but is nowhere to be found?"
Me, in charge of the aftermarket automobile A/V section that I'd made clear I wanted no part of without a substantial change in my compensation.
"Glad you asked, I did some research. Jimmy Shithead (who'd been the company VP and been run off because of shit fuckery related to the other half of the business--remanufacturing of Electric Control Modules, Instrument clusters and Car Radio/CD Players) had the unit installed in his daughter's car without actually paying for it." I also pointed fingers at the CSM that got her bounced.
Not another word was ever mentioned about it, except when I blurted out his name in spite.
Different job, different circumstance--Accounts Payable Clerk who was seemingly on top of everything goes on an emergency medical leave--legitimately.
While she's out, I'm confronted with a situation, as the purchasing clerk, that is a problem. Of a lengthy provenance.
The owners of the company are paranoid scrupulous about paying bills on time, in full.
I bring the issue up to the Comptroller/CFO. A silent fire alarm situation follows.
The AP clerk--who was a longtime employee AND married to the CSM--is quietly "retired".
Do I get any credit for my diligence? GTFOH
"In most cases, a pleasantly incompetent coworker may be coached to do better, or moved to a position where they can succeed."
Said position where they can succeed is almost ALWAYS management. The new "fail upward" mentality is prevalent pretty much everywhere. The less competent one is, the MORE likely they'll be in charge of others, who will exponentiate said incompetence.
I remember when school budgets paid for nurses instead of cops.
Sigh.
Ah for that tiny bit of the old days.
I was once a young and idealistic monster, full of hope and ideas about how I could improve things for my fellow workers. My first leadership position drained all that idealism away and made me the cynical monster I am today.
I had not one, but two coworkers who hated everything. Everything about the way we did anything was terrible. Any ideas on how to improve things were also terrible and a waste of time. I mean it. They hated everyone and everybody, including each other. Meetings were a nightmare.
One bitter lesson I learned throughout my 30+ years in the working world is that, despite what numerous sitcoms have told you, your coworkers are not your friends. Never assume that anything you say in confidence will remain in confidence. No matter how nice they are to your face, don’t ever think they won’t stab in you in the back the second they get a chance.
Trust no one.
Oh, Monster. I so badly want to tell you that your cynicism is not accurate - but I can't. Maybe I'm just getting old. But it's still important to find things at work that can inspire you - so you can tell these bitter motherfuckers to FOADIAF.
That art teacher needs to move beyond the coloring book. That coworker is nightmare fuel. Ta, Sara, your columns always lift my spirits.
Get that art teacher a bunch of coloring books - but slip in a couple of R and even XXX rated ones (they exist!)
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/624282/r-rated-adult-coloring-books
Or introduce them to the works of horror artist Jordan Persegati, who puts his own spin on Disney coloring books....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj2Mb9VDq98
I like this column. I like it alot. I need advice about a ton of shit, but I need to get my act together so I can ask for it properly. I love my therapist, who is very smart and very kind, but he is an old man and I put on my best face for him because there's stuff he cannot handle at all. I don't want to stress him out. I'll be back.
I would encourage you to consider finding a different therapist. If you can’t be candid and authentic with him, he’s not likely to be able to help you much, which you pointed out. You’re not paying him for HIS health and well-being, you’re paying him for yours, so if there is stuff you’d benefit from professional help with, you should get it from the professional working with you. You can talk with your friends and loved ones for advice; a therapist should be the one you get healthcare from for what truly ails you. There’s something called the “therapeutic alliance” which is the name for the working relationship between a mental healthcare provider and the client. It’s about both parties working together in treating the illness or disorder, rather than one the old-fashioned doctor-patient relationship where one person passively is treated by the other. It is based on a good fit between the provider’s particular training/expertise and therapeutic approach (there are all sorts of types of therapy, to suit all types of mental health concerns) and your unique situation, and also the person-to-person chemistry between personalities. If either of those aren’t a good fit for you, then a different provider might be in order, OR talk to your therapist about your reluctance to be honest with him and see if you can create a better treatment plan together. He might be able to handle more than you give him credit for, or he might not, and in that case, he’s not the right therapist for you. But either way, you aren’t holding up your side of the alliance if you’re withholding the information he needs to do his work properly, and you’re the one who hired him to do it!
I am giving you unsolicited advice, and I hope you don’t feel chastised because I really don’t mean to criticize you. Mental health is complicated, and asking for help is seriously difficult. But seriously, therapy is too expensive and time consuming to spend it acting like you’re fine when you’re not, and he can only help with what he knows about. You’re treating him more like a hired friend than a healthcare provider.
And i want to encourage you, because getting good mental healthcare is so important, and getting established with a new provider is definitely a pain the ass, but it is worth it. Lots of people who have tried therapy and not benefitted from it didn’t have a good therapeutic alliance, and didn’t know that that one person’s approach and expertise is only one of scores of different options, and don’t know how to find someone who is a better fit. It’s hard! Society’s stereotype of therapy is all that most people know, and it’s a super narrow and unrepresentative stereotype! Therapy is also not just getting advice - there are techniques, strategies, and procedures that address various concerns differently than how our friends and loved ones would. Please release yourself from the mistaken belief that you must ask for help properly before you deserve it, and please consider seeking better mental healthcare than you’re getting now. You’re worth it.
Look for a better fit using the Psychology Today’s provider search tool, which tells you all about a therapist’s qualifications, specializations, and treatment approaches. And good luck!
Thank you for taking so much time to respond to me. This is excellent advice, and I don't feel chastised at all. I am finding this process to be very, very hard, and I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for from it. I do have a difficult time perceiving therapy as healthcare, thanks to an old fashioned mindset. It's awkward for me. Thank you again. You have given me much to not just think about, but to act on.
I must concur, I had a therapist during the worst time in my life and she was a lifesaver. I had total trust and there was nothing I was afraid to tell her. I was so lucky, because I have met people who did not find the right person. Don't be afraid to find someone else. You should never worry about how your therapist will react to what you say. It is literally their job to give you a safe space and guide you to a place where you can accept who you are warts and all, with love
Thank you very much for taking the time to respond. This is very helpful. Be well.
We had a delightful but incompetent marketing director, who left to care for her elderly parents. She was replaced by a reasonably withit guy, but who was FUCKING PSYCHOPATH (some may recall the many Posts of Despair here in the non-comments). Give me incompetent charm any fucking day of the week. Incompetence can be trained. Don't-be-alone-in-the-building-with-this-guy cannot.
I don't mind incompetence so much. What I haaaaaaaaate are FUCKING PSYCHOPATHS!!1
This guy was such a piece of work. We joke that we think he went to Long Island and ran for Congress.
There was an asshole at my last job very similar to what is described here. She was a bully, too. A few people quit working there because of her. Guess where she is now? Promoted to head the department.
I don't remember EVER using coloring books in elementary school, not even in kindergarten. In kindergarten we did a lot of finger painting and crafty art projects. For example, they gave us some molding clay to design an Xmas tree ornament, and I made a church that looked like the church we went to, then before it was baked the teacher inserted a wire hook at the top so it would hang from the tree. My parents hung that on our family tree for the next 20 years. We also got one section of a cardboard egg carton which we decorated with paint and glitter, and then the teacher inserted a long string so it could also be an Xmas tree ornament. We hung that on the tree for the next 20 years too. We were also given a paper milk carton (no glass bottles in those days) and we had to paint it to look like our house and write our home address on it with paint. It was a tricky way of making sure we knew our home address.
I actually still have the folder of my school art work which my mother kept for 30 years. There are no coloring book pictures.
In 4th grade we did this cool mosaic project where we cut long, 1/4" wide strips out of different colored papers, rolled them up tightly until they were about the diameter of a pencil, and then glued them onto paper as if they were pieces of mosaic to make a 3-D picture. That was a lot of fun.
Coloring books in an "art" class is truly next-level.
I vividly remember that the first crayon that got used up was the "Sky Blue" crayon, because we used it a lot. Crayola wasn't smart ... they should have included 2 or more "Sly Blue" crayons.
My mother made me call the one called "flesh" "peach" because she said not everyone's flesh was that color.
I assume they have changed the name of that crayon, but I might be wrong.
There's now a whole pack of "flesh" crayons for 8 different colors of flesh. It's pretty cool.
In my experience you can out asshole assholes.
The Anti-Coloring Book: Creative Activities for Ages 6 and Up
https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Coloring-Book-Creative-Activities-Ages/dp/0805068422
These are great. I got several for my nephew when he was little.