Colorado gubernatorial candidate and United Nations bicycle conspiracy whistleblower Dan Maes will win the War on Drugs, because he is a former undercover police officer who knows how to drug-raid the wrong house and then shoot the evil drug dealer/harmless old man's violent pit bull/miniature poodle. (When Dan Maes is governor the first thing he will do is execute all the drug dealin' French dogs, and that's a promise.) But Dan Maes really has no idea how to capture drug lords or shoot their poofhounds, because he was never an undercover police officer! He was actually just a normal mall cop, in Kansas, where the malls are so lame that they don't even have Hot Topic. Dan Maes has betrayed America.
<i>&quot;infiltrating a gambling and drug-dealing ring&quot;</i>
I had to place those bets and take those drugs because ... because, I&#039;m infiltratin&#039;. Yeah, that&#039;s the ticket!
Maes: Putting the Goober back in gubernatorial.
&quot;infiltrating a gambling and drug-dealing ring&quot;
What? No strip joints? Slacker!