David Limbaugh Will Arrest This Lawless Kenyan

 
 Now that we live under the Kenyan Raj, and the Statue of Liberty is just some chick with an Afro standing in the middle of the Harlem River holding a flaming Sly & the Family Stone record (and The Communist Manifesto), it’s hard to find books and pamphlets written by enraged white Republicans. But every now and then an anti-Obama polemic slips past the censors.  Crimes Against Liberty: An Indictment of President Barack Obama  by David Limbaugh (Rush’s thinner brother) is one such thing. It helps that it was released by Regnery Press, the world’s leading underground publisher of wingnut samizdat for CostCo and airport newsstands. But what lurks between the covers of this latest in a series of dramatic “Oh hey an insane person wrote a book” incidents?

It’s no secret to anyone but the dumb or the innocent that pretty much every president since WWII has engaged in varying degrees of criminality. There’s nothing wrong with writing a book that focuses on the crimes of one hated favorite in particular, and your reviewer thinks that an interesting dissection of the Obama administration’s more sad-face-inducing policies COULD be written, possibly by that Greenwald fellow down at the Salon.

 
 As for David Limbaugh, he's just some dude who writes wacky books that get published by a firm that hasn’t printed anything valuable or enduring in decades. Books like  Persecution: How Liberals Are Waging War Against Christianity.  The cover of that one features a hungry-looking lioness, which of course conjures up images of feline Christian-munching during the Roman Empire. Liberals are literally eating Christians!

But this is a new era, and the main Liberal Menace isn’t a pride of lions with an appetite for Jeebus. Instead, it’s the black guy who handily won the last election. Just how has Obama rudely violated Our Liberty? Let David Limbaugh count the ways:

• Dave gives his chapters titles like "The Dictator" and "The Commissar." There are sub-sections with titles like “Politburo." People like Dave should really consider finding fresh historical analogies. They don't seem to know any history other than Hitler-Munich-Nazis-appeasement, some Soviet stuff, and those “Did Nostradamus Predict Jersey Shore?” and “Did Aliens Paint the Sistine Chapel?” things they saw on the History Channel. Then again, they do love our Founding Fathers (Jesus, Ronald Reagan, etc.) even if in their minds the Founders are more like the  ThunderCats  than actual historical humans.

• Speaking of appeasement, "appeasement" seems to be one of Dave's favorite words (along with "horrifying," which makes several appearances in Crimes Against Liberty ).

• According to Dave, Obama believes “America, not Islamic extremism, is the world’s agitator,” which is why he doubled down in Afghanistan. The chapter about "Crimes Against National Security" is mostly devoted to this appeasement/appeasement/appeasement talk.

• HAHA, one of the sub-sections in this thing is titled “Thug Outreach,” which is probably the name of the Obama hip-hopping album of our imaginations.

• Oh man, this passage about the 2009 Americas Summit is priceless: "[Obama] snuggled up to anti-American Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez at the summit, graciously accepting Chavez's gift -- a book by Uruguayan author Eduardo Galeano, Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent -- which is a scathing attack on American and European involvement in Latin America .... Was Reverend Wright also Chavez's mentor?"

• Which makes us wonder: Is the "European and American involvement in Latin America was often gruesome" thesis controversial now? Maybe Pizarro was merely stamping out Islamofascism among the Incas. Ditto Pinochet et al.

• Dave is very angry that the Prez didn't flip out during some U.S.-bashing speech by Daniel Ortega at that same Americas Summit. Maybe Obama should have had a hissy-fit and screamed “b-b-b-b-b-but AMERICA. FREEDOM. GOD LIVES HERE. The inspirational message on the pillbox where I keep my Adderall and Lipitor says so!” Or maybe in such situations it's better to keep your mouth shut and express silent indifference/contempt, like a dignified adult human?

• Dave is INCENSED that Obama committed the actual crime of being illegal friends with Palestinian-American academic Rashid Khalidi during his time at the University of Chicago. Khalidi is known for his reasonable views on the Middle Eastern Horrorshow, but unfortunately he's a 9/11-style terrorist, due to Arabness.

• The thing that seems to bother Dave most is the sheer Blackiness of this administration. He spends most of the book crying about Reverend Jeremiah Wright, a.k.a. the Black Louis Farrakhan, linking him to subjects that have nothing to do with his partly-nutty/partly-accurate-but-loud sermons (not that Limbaugh sees these nuances; to him it's all indecipherable jungle grunting). For example: When Obama objected to the Cambridge police arresting Henry Louis Gates for entering his own house, it was because Rev. Wright had taught him to despise all white people. Criticizing police overkill is a Crime Against Liberty, you see, and VERY racist.

How is any of this important or relevant? Only in one way: This Limbaugh “indictment” might be an early indication that when the Republicans take over in November they’ll begin Clinton Impeachment Carnival Mark II. Maybe they’ll succeed this time. Failing that, they can engineer a military coup so we can just get this “America” thing over with and enjoy President-for-Life/Lord Protector John Bolton and his saucy born-again virgin queen Christine O’Donnell. Or Sarah Palin. Or Newt Gingrich. Or whoever. Whatever tawdry huckster becomes our new post-civilization ruler, Dave and his buds are TOTALLY going to throw the book at this darkie in the White House. Many huzzahs to David Limbaugh for exposing this monster!

  Crimes Against Liberty: An Indictment of President Barack Obama by David Limbaugh, Regnery Press, 512 pages, $16.47 

 A hearty thanks to Wonkette operative "Robin" for sending in this wondrous suggestion. If there's a horrible book you'd like to see reviewed, send your appalling ideas to greer.mansfield@gmail.com