Dear RNC: Stop Bitching About Last Night's Debate Questions. You Sound Like A Idiot.
RNC Chair Reince Priebus
Wednesday night's (very dumb) CNBC Republican debate had barely ended before the RNC and individual campaigns were whining and kvetching -- to reporters, their moms, to Pinterest, and everywhere else -- that the questions were SO MUCH UNFAIRNESS to the brilliant slate of Republican presidential candidates onstage.
And the candidates bitched too, DURING the debate. Donald Trump whined that a question was "not a very nicely asked question the way you say that," and Cruz launched into an obviously rehearsed anti-media soliloquy that lasted just long enough to run out of time to give a substantive answer to the question he was asked.
But were the questions "unfair" and biased and "not very nicely asked"? Let's look at the transcript to review all 36 questions from the debate to find out.
Without further ado:
[ To all candidates ] So in 30 seconds, without telling us that you try too hard or that you're a perfectionist, what is your biggest weakness and what are you doing to address it?
Mr. Trump, you've done very well in this campaign so far by promising to build a wall and make another country pay for it. Send 11 million people out of the country. Cut taxes $10 trillion without increasing the deficit. And make Americans better off because your greatness would replace the stupidity and incompetence of others. Let's be honest. Is this a comic book version of a presidential campaign?
Dr. Carson, let's talk about taxes. [ Goes through Carson's tax plan .] So what analysis got you to the point where you think this will work?
This one is for Senator Rubio. You've been a young man in a hurry ever since you won your first election in your 20s. You've had a big accomplishment in the Senate, an immigration bill providing a path to citizenship the conservatives in your party hate, and even you don't support anymore. Now, you're skipping more votes than any senator to run for president. Why not slow down, get a few more things done first or least finish what you start?
Governor [Bush], the fact that you're at the fifth lectern tonight shows how far your stock has fallen in this race, despite the big investment your donors have made. You noted recently, after slashing your payroll, that you had better things to do than sit around and be demonized by other people. [...] Ben Bernanke, who was appointed Fed chairman by your brother, recently wrote a book in which he said he no longer considers himself a Republican because the Republican Party has given in to know- nothingism. Is that why you're having a difficult time in this race?
Ms. Fiorina, I -- I'd like to ask you a question. You are running for president of the United States because of your record running Hewlett-Packard. [ Goes through why Carly's record at HP sucks old beaver twats. ] [I]f you looked at your competitors, if you looked at the overall market. I just wonder, in terms of all of that -- you know, we look back, your board fired you. I just wondered why you think we should hire you now.
Senator Cruz. Congressional Republicans, Democrats and the White House are about to strike a compromise that would raise the debt limit, prevent a government shutdown and calm financial markets that fear of -- another Washington-created crisis is on the way. Does your opposition to it show that you're not the kind of problem-solver American voters want? [ This, by the way, is when Cruz sang his big solo about the lamestream media .]
Senator Paul, the budget deal crafted by Speaker Boehner and passed by the House today makes cuts in entitlement programs, Medicare and Social Security disability, which are the very programs conservatives say need cutting to shrink government and solve our country's long-term budget deficit. Do you oppose that budget deal because it doesn't cut those programs enough?
Governor Huckabee, who is here on the stage, has said that [Chris Christie] and others who think this way are trying to rob seniors of the benefits that they've earned. It raises the question: When it is acceptable to break a social compact?
Mr. Trump, let's talk a little bit about bankruptcies. Your Atlantic City casinos filed for bankruptcy four times. [ Blah blah blah .] Bankruptcy is a broken promise. Why should the voters believe the promises that you're telling them right now?
Dr. Carson, in recent weeks, a number of pharmaceutical companies has been accused of profiteering, for dramatically raising the prices of life-saving drugs. [...] Should the government be involved in controlling some of these price increases?
Governor Christie ... General Motors paid more than $1 billion in fines and settlements for its ignition switch defect. One hundred and twenty- four people died as a result of these faulty switches. No one went to jail. As a former prosecutor, do you believe the people responsible for the switch and the cover-up belong behind bars?
Governor Bush, in a debate like this four years ago, every Republican running for president pledged to oppose a budget deal containing any tax increase even if it had spending cuts ten times as large. A few months later, you told Congress, put me in, coach, you said you would take that deal. Still feel that way?
Mrs. Fiorina, in 2010, while running for Senate ... you called an Internet sales tax a bad idea. Traditional brick and mortar stores obviously disagree. Now that the Internet shopping playing field has matured, what would be a fair plan to even that playing field?
Senator Rubio, you yourself have said that you've had issues. [ List of why Rubio is A Idiot who is bad with his own personal moneys. ] In terms of all of that, it raises the question whether you have the maturity and wisdom to lead this $17 trillion economy. What do you say?
Governor John Kasich, you've called for abolishing the Export Import Bank, which provides subsidies to help American companies compete with overseas competitors. [...] If subsidies are good enough for Ohio companies, why aren't they good enough for companies trying to compete overseas?
Senator Cruz, working women in this country still earn just 77 percent of what men earn. [...] I just wonder what you would do as President to try and help in this cause?
Dr. Carson, we know you as a physician, but we wanted to ask you about your involvement on some corporate boards, including Costco's. Last year, a marketing study called the warehouse retailer the number one gay-friendly brand in America, partly because of its domestic partner benefits. Why would you serve on a company whose policies seem to run counter to your views on homosexuality?
[ To Carson ] This is a company called Mannatech, a maker of nutritional supplements, with which you had a 10-year relationship. They offered claims that they could cure autism, cancer, they paid $7 million to settle a deceptive marketing lawsuit in Texas, and yet your involvement continued. Why?
Senator Rubio, Wired magazine recently carried the heading, "Marco Rubio wants to be the tech industry's savior." [ You support H1B immigration visas, your Republican friend Jeff Sessions says they are bad. ] Why is he wrong?
Mr. Trump, let's stay on this issue of immigration. You have been very critical of Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook who has wanted to increase the number of these H1Bs.
Senator Cruz ... You've been a fierce critic of the Fed, arguing for more transparency. Where do you want to take that? Do you want to get Congress involved in monetary policy, or is it time to slap the Fed back and downsize them completely? What are your thoughts? What do you believe?
Dr. Carson, you told The Des Moines Register that you don't like government subsidies, it interferes with the free market. But you've also said that you're in favor of taking oil subsidies and putting them towards ethanol processing. Isn't that just swapping one subsidy for another, Doctor?
Governor Huckabee, you have railed against income inequality. You've said that some Wall Street executives should have gone to jail over the roles that they played during the financial crisis. Apart from your tax plan, are there specific steps you would require from corporate America to try and reduce the income inequality?
Governor Bush, the tax reform bill that Ronald Reagan signed in 1986 cut the top personal income tax rate to 28 percent -- just like your plan does. But President Reagan taxed capital gains at the same rate, while you would tax them at just 20 percent. ... [W]hy would you tax labor at a higher rate than income from investments?
Governor Kasich, let's talk about marijuana. We're broadcasting from Colorado which has seen $150 million in new revenue for the state since legalizing last year. Governor Hickenlooper is not a big fan of legalization, but he's said the people who used to be smoking it are still smoking it, they're just now paying taxes. ... [I]s this a revenue stream you'd like to have?
Mr. Trump ... Marco Rubio has a bill to triple H-1Bs that would decimate women and minorities. Are you in favor of H-1Bs or are you opposed to them?
Mr. Trump, you've said you have a special permit to carry a gun in New York. After the Oregon mass shooting on October 1st, you said, "By the way, it was a gun-free zone. If you had a couple of teachers with guns, you would have been a hell of a lot better off." Would you feel more comfortable if your employees brought guns to work?
Governor Huckabee, you've written about the huge divide in values between middle America and the big coastal cities like New York and Los Angeles. [...] The leading Republican candidate, when you look at the average of national polls right now, is Donald Trump. When you look at him, do you see someone with the moral authority to unite the country?
Mrs. Fiorina, you were the CEO of a large corporation that offers a 401(k) to its employees. But more than half of American have no access to an employer sponsored retirement plan. [...] Should the Federal Government play a larger role in helping to set up retirement plans for these workers?
[ To Kasich ] Most people can't get a college degree without going into debt. Over 40 million Americans have student loans and many of them cannot pay them back. This country has over $100 billion in student loan defaults. [...] What will you do to make sure that students, their families, taxpayers, won't feel the economic impact of this burden for generations?
Governor Bush, daily fantasy sports has become a phenomenon in this country, will award billions of dollars in prize money this year. But to play you have to assess your odds, put money at risk, wait for an outcome that's out of your control. Isn't that the definition of gambling, and should the Federal Government treat it as such?
Governor Christie, you've said something that many in your party do not believe, which is that climate change is undeniable, that human activity contributes to it, and you said, quote: "The question is, what do we do to deal with it?". So what do we do?
Senator Paul, among the leading conservative opponents to the creation of Medicare back in the 1960s was Ronald Reagan. He warned that it would lead to socialism. Considering the mounting cost of Medicare, was he right to oppose it?
Governor Bush, Mr. Trump says that he is capable of growing the economy so much that Social Security and Medicare don't have to be touched. Do you want to explain how that is going to happen, Mr. Trump?
[ To Carson ] You've said that you would like to replace Medicare with a system of individual family savings accounts, so that families could cover their own expenses. Obviously, that would be a very controversial idea. Explain how that would work, exactly.
And then closing statements and everybody got a participation trophy, and immediately started whining to RNC Daddy Reince Priebus about how those were the most unfair, biased 36 debate questions any presidential candidates have ever been asked. And Priebus agreed.
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Like we said, shut the fuck up, RNC. The fantasy football question was kind of dumb, but it's no dumber than "Which American hot lady would you like to mouth-fuck on the ten dollar bill?" from the CNN debate. For actual, that CNN question from hack Jake Tapper was:
Earlier this year, the Treasury Department announced that a woman will appear on the $10 bill. What woman would you like to see on the $10 bill?
And the candidates did SO GOOD on that question, and not a single one of them complained about the chance to give a shout-out to Rosa Parks, Ben Carson's mom, Mrs. Mike Huckabee, Margaret Thatcher (not American), and Mother Teresa (also not American).
Is that honestly what the RNC thinks this debate was missing? Were the questions in this debate just TOO HARD?
Or should the RNC and the candidates go fellate a laundry hamper full of chargrilled gopher penis?
Lithium, if you get manic or Xanax, if you get anxious. Or Bourbon, in memory of John Boner.
#getabrainmoran