300 Comments
User's avatar
Doktor Zoom's avatar

Ahem. The commenting policy remains in effect. This guy is horrible and should lose his job. Say nothing good about him, but also remember that this community has standards, ya filthy fuckaducks.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/rules-for-commenting-radicals

Expand full comment
Crystalclear12's avatar

Ok.

How about: may his shin find every inconveniently placed coffee table and his bare foot find every fallen lego?

Expand full comment
Bear: PROTECT THE AMERICUB's avatar

Please tell me I can still make my terrible pun about judicial cannons...

Expand full comment
Rooster Cogburn's avatar

Incredibly low standards, but standards nonetheless

Expand full comment
IdRatherBeDancing's avatar

Does a horse head in his bed violate our community standards? Asking for a friend.

Expand full comment
BrianW's avatar

There's already a horse's ass in his bed, so, seems acceptable.

Expand full comment
Zap's avatar

like

Expand full comment
🍁 L Ron Pony's avatar

Hey!

Expand full comment
Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

A dead blobfish seems more appropriate.

Expand full comment
kareema's avatar

I (a wildlife/marine biologist) actually like blobfish. I would have compared him to a slimehag, personally.

I also have a soft spot for spiny lumpsuckers, but that's just me....

Expand full comment
Adonna Frankel's avatar

For Ted Cruz

Expand full comment
motmelere's avatar

Can we send him to a nice court upstate?

Expand full comment
WomanInThePersistence's avatar

I was merely quoting Trump's lawyers. But I consider myself chastised.

Expand full comment
Elviouslyqueer's avatar

But Dad, HE STARTED IT.

Expand full comment
🍁 L Ron Pony's avatar

I just meant that he might enjoy an exciting trip into space! Honest!

Expand full comment
Cathy  pasz's avatar

Old Sturbridge Village!!! I love that place!

Expand full comment
kareema's avatar

Holy merde, this guy is a richard.

Expand full comment
eye8urcake's avatar

This makes me question his comportment on every case that's ever come before him as a judge.

Disgusting.

Expand full comment
Rachel Avery's avatar

When I was a teenager, I perceived that many adults actively despised adolescents. Decades later I have haven't seen much to change my mind about that.

Even kids with stable homes and sleep schedules nod off at inappropriate times. They're still growing! Their hormones are in chaos! People who don't get this are just being willfully ignorant. This guy has no business hosting teenagers in his courtroom, and in a sane world wouldn't be judging cases involving young folks either.

Expand full comment
Lizard's avatar

I'd even adjust that to "humans nod off at inappropriate times." I did in the hospital workroom a few days ago; I'm almost thirty. I hadn't slept well the night before. It happens. People who aren't giant assholes understand that.

Expand full comment
beb's avatar

As a former teen-ager I can assure that being mean to teach them a lesson is counter-productive.

And while I'm here I want to mention the case of a black teen-age boy (in Texas) who is being punished for wearing his hair in dreadlocks. The school says this is a violation of school policy because if his hair were straightened out it would fall below his ears and boys are not allowed to have hair that long. Girls, yes; boys no. The purpose of the hair rules, they say, is to teach good grooming and respect for authority. This implies that dreadlocks are not "good grooming." But also how does shrt hair show "respect for authority" or long hair disrespect. This is purely an attempt to denigrate a black boy for being black in Texas.

Expand full comment
Lizard's avatar

That doesn't even make any sense. What about a white boy with curly hair? Do they make him cut it shorter because if you artificially straightened it out, it would be too long? (The answer is 'of course not' and we all know that, but in the world of stupid excuses for racism, this one is especially stupid.)

Expand full comment
Megan Macomber's avatar

I can only pray that this precious child derives something positive from this horrible experience of adult authority exercised thoughtlessly and in anger. Thank God her mom stood up for her in the face of that authority. Mine wouldn't have, assuming no one so powerful could be wrong.

Expand full comment
marcus816's avatar

“King says that he was only trying to help the girl…”

Yeah, well, he can fuck right off. All he did was abuse a child and demonstrate what a precious little asshole he is. JHFC!

Expand full comment
algore lactating's avatar

it's so cold in the d when you trynna not sleep...

t-baby, save us. you're our only hope.

Expand full comment
Kate Stoneman's avatar

This is probably one of those judges whose courtroom rules for lawyers include not using your cell phone even on mute, not reading anything (not even one's case file) and staring straight ahead at the bench at all times.

True story: a lawyer fell trying to sit down on one of the available seats while in the courtroom of a Brooklyn judge. Most likely, because she wasn't allowed to actually look where she was going. I didn't see, because it happened behind me and I, like everyone else, was staring straight ahead at the judge's empty chair (she wasn't on the bench yet). I just heard a thud and gasps, and the next thing you know, the court officer is screeching like a maniac:

"Ma'am? Ma'am!! You have to look at the bench! YOU CAN'T LOOK TO THE SIDE, LOOK AT THE BENCH!!!"

Lawyer: "I'm sorry, I fell, and I'm trying to ..."

Court Officer: "YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE BENCH, IT'S IN THE JUDGE'S RULES!!! It's also posted all over the courtroom, I don't understand why people aren't paying attention."

Apparently, the lawyer's crime was she broke eye contact with the empty chair while falling and had the temerity to be looking elsewhere while getting up. A short while later, the judge entered to courtroom (late) and proceeded to spend 5 minutes lecturing everyone on following her individual rules, respect for the court, and penalties that would ensue for anyone who wasn't sufficiently respectful. This kind of thing is totally normal for systems that allow judges to enact individual rules.

Expand full comment
Lizard's avatar

That is a narcissist's power trip. Oh my god.

Expand full comment
Pliny the Younger's avatar

One of the rules in British courts is that you never, ever turn your back on the judges. This can land hard on foreign lawyers who turn towards their tables (and away from the judges) to retrieve documents, etc.

Expand full comment
The Covfefes ASAP!'s avatar

God Complexes

Expand full comment
RogationDays's avatar

Why on earth? Why?

Expand full comment
rlcornelius's avatar

Even in the military, even in boot camp, if you fall asleep, the "punishment" is to stand up. That's all. Just stand up. In the back of the room, so you don't block anyone's view. Not even any pushups. This judge was so horribly over-reacting. I can't help but wonder how he'd react if he'd had Trump in his courtroom and Trump fell asleep. But since Trump is male and rich and powerful, he'd probably do nothing.

Expand full comment
fair_n_hite_451's avatar

I wouldn't wish him physical ill, but losing his job seems like a slam dunk first consequence.

Expand full comment
RRJKR's avatar

Stories like this really push all my wrong buttons. They make me "Howling Mad"., About five levels above "Sensibly Angry"

Expand full comment
RRJKR's avatar

If the point of the field trip was to teach the kids how unfair our criminal injustice system really is, and why you should do everything you can to avoid it, I suppose it was a success.

Expand full comment
Tina Mouse's avatar

^^^^^ THE BEST TAKE ^^^^

Expand full comment
Major Kong's avatar

Falling asleep in court is a crime? Didn't we all see Donald Trump visit the land of nod in court for about 8 weeks?

Expand full comment
Free beach's avatar

Actually sleep. No jail time??

Expand full comment
RRJKR's avatar

It's good to be a God-King

Expand full comment
Major Is My Spirit Animal's avatar

Well as sentencing hasn't taken place yet we just don't know what Merchan is going to do for his misbehavior.

"I hereby sentence you to 6 months of community service for hush money payments."

Courtroom groans.

"And 10 years in prison for sleeping during court!"

Expand full comment