Devil's Night King: Ron DeSantis

It's your pre-Halloween Sunday show rundown!

Ron DeSantis’s presidential campaign is perfect for the Halloween holiday season. It is led by a sociopathic goon, has been staffed by absolute ghouls, and continues to shamble on like an undead zombie while losing to a guy who might get the GOP nomination from prison.

DeSantis, attempting to lurch back up one more time like a horror movie monster, made an appearance on NBC’s “Meet The Press” on Sunday. He was not, however, counting on new host Kristen Welker putting him down like slayer instead of “both sidesing” him like a common Chuck Todd.

When asked what he would do about Israel storming Gaza, DeSantis just stated how much he is cool with an ethnic genocide.

[Editrix’s note: Decent humans should be horrified by Hamas’s massacre in Israel — should be — and disagreement on that is not allowed in my comments. There can be disagreement on Israel’s response, but, again, wanting the entire region to be flattened with all the people in it is also not allowed, not that I’ve seen that in Wonkette’s comments. I’m just laying out what the rule is.]

DeSANTIS: I think if they do anything else than eliminate Hamas entirely, they're just going to face these types of attacks again in the future.

DeSantis doesn’t utter the words “Palestine” or “Palestinians” the entire interview. He only ever refers to all Palestinians as “Hamas” because, to warmongers and chickenhawks like DeSantis, they are the same thing. It’s how they dehumanize innocent civilian deaths.

Welker followed up again about how DeSantis would handle trying to thread Israel defending itself while not justifying killing innocent civilians — and possibly Hamas’s hostages — with indiscriminate bombings. DeSantis, however, was unable to muster even the tiniest fuck of empathy.

DeSANTIS: Well, on the humanitarian aid, I've not been supportive of sending that to the Gaza Strip simply because Hamas will commandeer that money. […]

WELKER: Understood your point that Hamas is hoarding some of that aid material, but aid organizations say some of the aid that has been recently sent in has made its way to civilians. My question to you, though, is: How much of a priority would it be, if you were president, to try to limit civilian deaths, Governor?

DeSANTIS: Well, any time you're involved in military conflict, you want to be able to achieve, decisively, the military objective with minimizing damage to civilians and civilian infrastructure as much as possible. So, that goes without saying. But I think it's a double standard here when Hamas can go in and massacre babies, massacre elderly people, rape and mutilate […]

It’s not a double standard, Ron, it’s having A standard. I guess you can take the torturer out of Guantanamo Bay, but you can’t take the Guantanamo Bay out of the torturer.

Welker then brought up the rightful criticism by Vivek Ramaswamy (yeah, we are shocked to type that out, too) about his violation of the First Amendment rights of pro-Palestinian student protestors in Florida state colleges. But DeSantis just tried to justify his latest assault on free speech with bullshit.

DeSANTIS: This is not cancel culture. This group, they themselves said in the aftermath of the Hamas attack that they don't just stand in solidarity, that they are part of this Hamas movement. And so, yeah, you have a right to go out and demonstrate, but you can't provide material support to terrorism. […] And so, we absolutely decertify them. […] And we are enforcing those vigorously. That’s not a First Amendment issue. That's a material support to terrorism issue.

Narrator: It wasn’t.

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Ron DeSantis Bans Pro-Palestinian Student Groups To Show He Supports Israel Over US Constitution

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Welker, for her part, called on DeSantis to show what actual “material support” was provided by just exercising free speech.

DeSANTIS: Their own words are saying they're part of this organization, that they don't just stand in solidarity, that they don't just support what they did, but that this is their movement too. […]

Words aren’t material support, Ron. You would think that being on the losing end of a fight with a cartoon mouse for this long would have let that lesson sink in.

DeSantis then insulted a Jewish supporter as “looking for his 15 minutes of fame” because he called out DeSantis’s hypocrisy in failing to condemn Nazism as loudly as he has pro-Palestinians protestors in his state.

Welker then asked if DeSantis agreed with newly elected Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson (who we guess won after defeating Reps. Mike Oxmaul, Mike Hunt and Lee Keebum) blaming anything but the guns after another mass shooting. DeSantis kept insisting institutionalizing people would have prevented this tragedy, but Welker disputed that.

WELKER: Law enforcement chiefs say they received a statewide alert in mid-September to be on the lookout for Card after he made threats against his base, against his fellow soldiers. They searched for him. They could not find him. Yet, he was able to, in the days before the attack, walk into a store and buy guns. So, if you can't find someone to institutionalize them […] why shouldn't there be a final line of defense in the form of a red flag law?

DeSantis insisted that red flag laws weren’t necessary and then tried to cite Florida as an example with “our crime rate's at a 50-year low,” leading to this exchange that made DeSantis look like a moron.

WELKER: Governor, actually, statistically speaking, the CDC says that the firearm mortality rate is actually higher under your administration than it was under your predecessor's administration. But I do want to move on to the campaign —

DeSANTIS: — the what mortality rate? No, no.

WELKER: The firearm mortality rate.

DeSANTIS: Well, I don’t, but I —

WELKER: Was actually higher under your administration —

DeSANTIS: No, well, first of all, I mean, we —

WELKER: — than your predecessor's. […] That's according to the CDC. Let me move on to the campaign —

DeSANTIS: Becau—

WELKER: — Governor.

DeSANTIS: Well, right, well, because you had COVID and all that stuff. Excess mortality, is that what you're saying? That went up everywhere in the country from 2020 on. Our excess mortality —

WELKER: Your firearm mortality rate, Governor.

DeSANTIS: — went up less —

WELKER: The firearm mortality.

DeSANTIS: — than anybody.

WELKER: The firearm mortality rate. Let me move on […]

[Columbo voice] Just one last thing Ron:

Florida’s COVID mortality is 18th out of 50, with exactly one blue state, New Mexico, ahead of it on the list. Red states are bad for your health and continued living.

Seems to us that Ron DeSantis hidden heel boots aren’t made for walking.

Or talking.

Or presidential office.

But quite on-brand for Devil’s Night.

You’re welcome, Gen X fans of “The Crow.”

Have Happy Halloween and rest of your week.