Diabolical Ghost-writer Haunts Mel Martinez

Democratic operatives inform us that the Magical Mystery Memo is not the first document to emerge from the coven of Mel Martinez via apparent supernatural forces. In August 2004, after his campaign funded a flier that called his GOP opponent "the new darling of the homosexual extremists," Martinez offered a scary glimpse at his life as Satan's plaything: "Words were used that were not mine, and were not of my choosing. Those words were spoken by others." A couple months later, when a campaign statement of his likened federal agents to "armed thugs," Martinez said he wasn't responsible for that statement either —it was the diabolical handiwork of "someone writing for the campaign." Would someone please rescue this man before his head starts spinning like a top?— GREG BEATO

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