Do Not Be Distracted By Spencer Pratt's Beautiful Celebrities!
Or out-decent-human-beinged by Lisa Rinna.
There is a lot that is disappointing about how we now live in a world wherein Spencer “Fleshbeard” Pratt is an actual, legitimate contender for Mayor of Los Angeles — and one of those things has been the endorsement or support from certain celebrities who we may have hoped were better than that, at least in that way. At least those of us who were not previously aware that Belinda Carlisle was married to a guy who worked in the Reagan administration and must now remove “Circle in the Sand” from our karaoke rotations.
Now, I’m going to assume that the vast majority of our audience here has not seen The Hills. Call me crazy, but just a wild guess, given the chorus of sarcastic WHO?’s I get every time pop culture enters the chat here. However, you should know, in case you haven’t guessed, that he was a psychologically abusive douche canoe then (regularly separated Heidi from her friends and caused fights between them, was jealous and controlling and generally shitty, and and spread false rumors about a sex tape featuring his co-star Lauren Conrad) and he’s a sleazy grifter now. Like, for real, he sells crystals. Healing crystals. And the name of his crystal business is Pratt Daddy Crystals.
Oh, he’s also a vaccine skeptic and pal to Alex Jones.
Do you want to slap him yet? I mean, I realize LA is pretty woo-woo, but a famous reality TV douche who sells motherfucking crystals is something that should, ideally, be a bridge too far for anyone. And yet it somehow, for far too many people, is not. Flavor Flav and Big Sean are particularly bewildering supporters, given that both of them usually have good politics (except for the time Flav sent that weird cease and desist to the Bernie Sanders campaign after Chuck D played a free benefit) and are pretty far from MAGA.
However, thankfully, most of those people are people we (or at least I) already knew were the worst.
Perhaps the biggest downer so far is the fact that a voice of reason in this whirlwind of nonsense is none other than my reality television arch-nemesis, Lisa Rinna —though she generally tends to be the right side of history when it comes to politics and I actually enjoyed her a lot on The Traitors, in which she was like, fun evil and not evil evil. In a brief red carpet interview during the American Music Awards, Rinna, wearing naught on top but a blazer and an undone tie (and not, as far as we know, an adult diaper) said of Pratt, “I’m sorry, I love him but we’ve already done that. We’re not gonna do that again,” adding “Listen, I’m a reality person. You wouldn’t want me as mayor.”
This is true, especially after the sheer hell she put poor Kim Richards and Denise Richards (not related, FYI) through on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Weirdly enough, only one Housewife from Beverly Hills (rich ladies you would think would be his target audience) has come forward as a supporter — Annemarie Wiley, whose half-season on the show was spent making up conspiracy theories about Sutton Stracke’s esophagus and lying about being an anesthesiologist when in fact she’s a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist.
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I did read that she claims to have been kicked off the show for her “conservative views,” which is pretty absurd given, you know, Camille Grammer, Kathy Hilton, the entire cast of RHOC and the fact that esophagus-gate was simply not the most compelling character arc.
Music producer/composer David Foster, who was on the show while he was married to Yolanda Hadid (mother of Bella and Gigi), has also offered his support — although that completely tracks, on account of how he is an absolute dick.
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His new wife, noted Trumper and American Idol alum Katharine McPhee, has been a vocal supporter and donor as well. Meh.
According to Pratt himself, both Leonardo DiCaprio and Jamie Foxx have “privately” said they support his campaign, which I guess would be kind of surprising, but they haven’t said anything themselves, so we will hold our judgment. For now. Most of the other supporters have been rather less illustrious.
True crime podcaster Heather Ashley has been keeping track of celebrity endorsements on Threads (generally by way of Instagram post likes). So far, it seems like it’s mostly pretty accurate, however at least Daniel Franzese (Damien from Mean Girls) has come forward after being included on the list to say he has liked posts from all candidates and hasn’t backed one yet. That one would have hurt my heart a little, I have to admit.
From movies and television, the list is about two-thirds “Well, we all saw that coming” and one-third “even I don’t know who the hell that is:”
Adam Carolla
Amber Rose
Andy Buckley
Brett Ratner - donated
Camille Anderson
Candace Cameron Bure
Daisy Fuentes
Damien Fahey
Elisabetta Canalis
Frank Stallone
Heather McDonald
James Woods
Jay Mohr
Jenny McCarthy - donated
Jesse Kove
Joanna Krupa
Kalani Robb
Kim Basinger
Kristin Chenoweth
Nicole Remini
Paula Trickey
Robb Derringer
Ryan Dorsey
Selma Blair
Shauna Sand
Stephen Amell
Taylor Lautner
Tracey Bregman
I really hate being reminded that Kristin Chenoweth’s politics are probably not great. I mean, sure, she endorsed Kamala last go around, but she also shared that she "appreciated some perspectives" from Charlie Kirk after he died, which … ugh. I would also very much like to go back to a time when I was not aware that Selma Blair’s politics are terrible, please and thank you.
Musicians:
Belinda Carlisle
Big Sean
David Foster
Debbie Gibson
Flavor Flav
Josh Michaels
Katharine McPhee - donated
Kaya Jones
Tommy Henriksen
Sorry to have ruined your beautiful memories of “Electric Youth?”
Influencers:
Brandon Tatum
Brittany Aldean
Cocaine Quarterback Owen Hanson
Dr. Joe MD
Dr. Pimple Popper - donated
Joe Rogan
Mama Tot
Perez Hilton
People seem to be pretty upset about Dr. Pimple Popper! I have never actually watched Dr. Pimple Popper though, because there is nothing I want less on earth than to watch anyone pop pimples (and is that even necessary in this, the age of hydrocolloid patches?), so I have no feelings about that. I don’t know that we should expect more from Perez Hilton? I always assumed he was pretty liberal but I also haven’t read Perez Hilton since like 2012 so who can say?
The reality TV section is way too long to list, but I actually find it somewhat satisfying that some of the people I hate the most are on there. Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules and The Valley is in no way surprising, given that he is one of the other biggest douchebags in the history of the genre, apart from Pratt, the current occupant of the White House and the current Secretary of Transportation. Honestly, if I had anything in common with Jax Taylor, politically or otherwise, I would reconsider everything I had ever thought or believed in life.
Bethenny Frankel? Would have been disappointed before Season 7 of Real Housewives of New York, but not now. Kat Von D is a weird Jesus freak these days, so not terribly surprising. The Situation? Snooki? I’d say that’s to be expected.
Kim Zolciak-Biermann of Real Housewives of Atlanta? Also not surprising, but a reasonable opportunity to post this, which I will never pass up because of how it is one of the single greatest things to have ever happened on television.
He’s also secured the endorsement of fellow reality TV villain Donald Trump.
“I’d like to see him do well. I don’t know him. I assume he probably supports me,” Trump told a reporter last week. “I heard he’s a big MAGA person.”
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To be fair, a lot of celebs have come out against Pratt as well. Notably Chelsea Handler and Spencer’s own sister, Stephanie Pratt, who has accused him of beating her and getting her addicted to drugs as a teenager and said that “a vote for him is a vote for stupidity.” Not wrong! Drew Carey, known Hollywood conservative (though he is anti-Trump and endorsed Kamala in 2024), called him a “serial scammer without a soul or moral compass.” Wilson Cruz, who played Ricky on My So-Called Life, posted an Instagram story on Pratt’s candidacy stating simply “I can’t believe my BELOVED LA is willing to be this FUCKING STUPID.”
And my very dear friend, beloved RuPaul’s Drag Race star Pandora Boxx, has been on one about his candidacy from the beginning.
Pratt is still behind Mayor Karen Bass in the polls and is largely campaigning on a platform of “Ew, commies!” and “Ew, homeless people!” while pretending to live in a trailer himself — so hopefully this will just be another embarrassing “Oh hey, remember when that deeply embarrassing thing almost happened?” blip in our nation’s history and not a thing that actually does happen.
But, at this moment, let us remember the immortal words of Lauren Conrad, who is categorically not endorsing her former co-star — for he is, indeed, a sucky person.
With all due deference to Robyn... I have literally no idea who any of these people are.
And I congratulate myself for that ignorance.
What the fuck did I just read?