Dog Day Afternoon

* Cheney quit! And so did the President! 

* Don't worry; they'll both keep spying on you forever, through your $600 NSA iPhone. 

* Mitt Romney tortured the shit out of his dog in 1983, and he's still proud of it today. 

* The new Supreme Court is making it way too easy on news-graphic professionals. Also, sucks to black these days! 

* Unless you were at Howard University presidential candidate debate, where the Democrats promised blacks the entire universe. We liveblogged the thing in two excruciating sessions. This here's the part where Joe Biden and Barack Obama explain why they went to Africa and got AIDS-tested together. 

* Nixon opened China to America, which means he's to blame for the poisoned toys, shrimp, toothpaste, dog food and tires. Oh wait, the tires aren't poison. They just tend to explode.

* Mmm, Bald Eagle Pie. 

* So much for the Immigration Reform Shamnesty Bill. It's dead, for now, and all the illegals are still illegal and still here and Bush is still a Loser. 

* And Tom DeLay is still ... innocent. 

* We learned a few new tidbits about our beloved vice president, such as his concern for the environment and how he threatened Dan Quayle's life for no good reason. 

* But that bad stuff the CIA did is all in the past, man, all in the past. 

* Don't let the door hit you in the fanny on the way out, Tony Blair. 

* Hillary Clinton will kill anybody who touches her Hideous Blue Jacket of Satan. 

* The Democrats also lost the 46th Annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game .