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Dog Day Afternoon
* Don't worry; they'll both keep spying on you forever, through your $600 NSA iPhone.
* Unless you were at Howard University presidential candidate debate, where the Democrats promised blacks the entire universe. We liveblogged the thing in two excruciating sessions. This here's the part where Joe Biden and Barack Obama explain why they went to Africa and got AIDS-tested together.
* Nixon opened China to America, which means he's to blame for the poisoned toys, shrimp, toothpaste, dog food and tires. Oh wait, the tires aren't poison. They just tend to explode.
* Mmm, Bald Eagle Pie.
* And Tom DeLay is still ... innocent.
* Hillary Clinton will kill anybody who touches her Hideous Blue Jacket of Satan.