Donald Trump Decides Heidi Cruz Too Ugly To Be World Bank President

Cruz spox: It's an honor just to be considered (by the ignorant fuck).

Donald Trump interviewed Ted Cruz's wife, Heidi, for the position of president of the World Bank, Bloomberg Politics reported Wednesday. But while Trump hasn't made a final decision about who he'll appoint to the position, he's already decided against Ms. Cruz, because jerking people around like that is the one thing he still enjoys about his stupid fucking job that he otherwise hates. That and the well-done steaks, and maybe getting more ice cream than anyone else. Oh, and the immunity from indictment. And this lamp. And this paddle game.

According to "people familiar with the matter," Trump interviewed Cruz and some other candidates even though the most likely candidate remains Treasury Undersecretary David Malpass. The report says surprisingly little about the reasons for Trump's decision not to offer the job to Cruz, so we'll assume he just decided Malpass looks like a World Bank president from central casting. 

Trump also reportedly interviewed investor Mohamed El-Erian, an economist dude who Bloomberg says is "a respected voice on the global economy and international financial markets." We're guessing Trump passed on El-Arian once someone explained his last name wasn't spelled "Aryan." (Haha, of course we are joking. Donald Trump cannot spell.)

Cruz, of course, was the subject of that charming 2016 campaign moment when Trump had a pissyfit over an unkind ad by a superPAC reminding Americans that Melon was in a nekkid photoshoot or two. Trump decided the ad just had to have been the work of Ted Cruz's campaign, in violation of federal law. So Trump threatened to "spill the beans" about Cruz's wife, since that was one way of proving he could be presidential.

Needless to say, the only thing remotely scandalous about Heidi Cruz is that she was a bigwig with Goldman Sachs and made assloads of money, which would normally be a good thing for Republicans. Since she's as boringly competent as her husband is a widely reviled turd, Trump instead retweeted a hilarious photo of Heidi Cruz making the face she "makes every morning when she remembers she married Ted Cruz and wonders where it all went wrong," as Yr Wonkette's Evan Hurst put it.

Eventually, Trump got the nomination, Ted got booed when he refused to endorse Trump at the convention, and then Ted endorsed Trump and made this face while phone banking for that fine wonderful nominee, who he couldn't quite bring himself to name.

We are saying Cruz and Trump have a history, is all.

Now that she's back at Goldman making the big bucks and Ted has happily taken up residence in Donald Trump's trouser pocket, Heidi Cruz is officially happy the loathsome fuck (the one she's not married to) even gave her the time of day. At least, if anyone asked her.

Catherine Frazier, a spokeswoman for Ted Cruz, said: "It was an honor for Heidi to be considered by the administration as a finalist for president of the World Bank."

Ms. Frazier only had to raise her voice just a little bit to drown out the sound of grinding teeth in the background.

The Bloomberg article notes the World Bank has traditionally been run by an American, although that's more a matter of an "informal agreement" that also ensures "the managing director of its sister institution, the IMF, has always been European." With the growing economic influence of China and India, there have been some rumblings that this could change, but not just now:

There appears to be little appetite outside the U.S. to challenge Trump's choice for president of the bank -- traditionally led by an American -- as long as he selects someone credible, according to two people familiar with the matter.

Oh, well in that case, expect Trump to appoint Oleg Deripaska.

Trump is expected to settle on a nominee this week or next, according to the unnamed people familiar with the matter. Whoever he picks for the job, QAnon will explain it's all cover for the Rothschilds anyway.

[ Bloomberg Politics ]

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